We can’t remember our
first story
like we can’t remember our
first step
but both were like
an inaugural flame
the million mile engine’s
initial spark
the dawn of a forty
fifty, eighty
year day
100 million steps
through museum and supermarket
remote woods
and bustling colonnades
disappearing in sand
and echoing down the halls
of loved ones'
hearts
countless words
about the origin of fire
and the light that never goes out
the rings of hell
and the bitter loneliness
that at some time burns every soul
the fire has dimmed
and the fire has blazed
been fueled
and been doused to a
mere flare
but each kindled step
has gotten us
where we are
and each burning story
created a fiery tale
that we can ultimately
call our own
Comments
u n'dn't bthr all no
each burning story
created a fiery tale
that I can ultimately
call my own
I like the message of this poem
Somehow it is so universal, in that nobody remembers their first step or story, that the entire poem would work in 3rd person, a different stance but saying the same thing.
we can't remember our
first story
like we can't remember
our first step
(etc., to...)
but each kindled step
has gotten us
where we are
and each burning story
created a fiery tale
that we can ultimately
call our own
I think that might engage the reader a little more. The idea occurred to me from this:
the rings of hell
and the bitter loneliness
that eventually burns every soul
...
thank you, eumolpus. good
thank you, eumolpus. good advice. I made some changes to make it work.
I think it works nicely
And it is very rewarding to have made this suggestion that you have used in your very fine poem.
wow what a change
on a friendly poets advice
bravo Gregwa8