It feels like
you let me go,
like a kite
in the wind.
The sky is so vast,
a canvas of clouds,
of goodness
and ghosts,
I would love
to meet
and meld with.
I feel free
for a while;
like I’m going
finally
forward.
Until I realize,
with a jerk,
you still hold the string
of my heart.
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
A very lovely work
Really nice image. Ends great.
to be somewhat consistent, by all means, drop the first stanza. It makes no sense, (what’s an “expanse) ,spoils the end which would be a nice surprise having set up the image of the kite, and is confusing since she still is holding the string, you are not let go .
Baring the first stanza this is a really fine well crafted work. Please begin “ like a kite”...breaking the rule never start a line with “like” but to me it works here
Mark is
spot on with his feedback.
I like this too. Could work perfectly for March Contest.
Awesome!
Yep, it's a good one
Think you had a really nice balance here. Nicely done - Good poem.
I'm liking it as well...
they gave good advice, nothing I could add. ~ Geezer.
.