2:00 A.M., woken, rain,
pain and stiffness, bothersome,
listening,
heartbeat trying to keep time with the night stand clock,
or to the steady drip of rain from a leaking eavestrough.
so much noise!
i can't determine which sound was winning the race,
rain slows, drip slows, heart beats, beat, beat,
clock ticks, ticks ticks,
pain requires a shift and subsides,
rain stops, but the drip carries on,
drip, drip, drip, but slows to a slow drip,
the heartbeat slows,
the clock ticks on,
time passes, pain lessens.
Mar 11, 2019
Pain Lessons
About This Poem
Last Few Words: A experience from a fused spine.
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - draft
Comments
A night after a operation for
A night after a operation for two ruptured discs in my neck. Good to be back!
Yes you are right. Thank you for your attention and comments.
Thank you for your attention and kind comments.
The poem...
wants to rhyme! I'm sorry, but being a rhymer myself, that just slipped out. I think that maybe if you do as D.H.M. says and rearrange your lines the way that she did, it will be easier to read. I can sympathize with the pain and the theme resonated with me. The title is clever, as I see an allusion to
piano-lesson; as though one has to take lessons in how to deal with pain. [We do!] Unfortunately, life gives us plenty of them. It flowed evenly from beginning to end. ~ Geezer.
.
Interesting journey
Clear expression of a snapshot of your life - it's interesting if you split poetry into timescapes.... I just glimpsed a strand of Gee's comment & I do agree a little, I also felt I wanted rhyme in there... Still, as I said, it works a snapshot of a period of time & the way you experienced it.