my shadow was swept by a cloud cover
breath carried away by the wind
beneath eyelids I see us
dancing on that serene cloud
in those moments of whelming
bitter sweet tears flow in rivulets of rain
where we played, wild flowers swing in spring
in summer I remember the bug spray you'd bring
winter when I feel the chills
I pull the comforter beside
though it doesn't have lining of your skin
brings goosebumps upon mine
curtains swirl to the notes of wind chimes
lifting my mood on edges of their gilt
the four walls still echo your whispers
serenading me to sound sleep
in the morning I wake up to find
my reading glasses folded beside
my eyes lit up "was it you"?
because these were some of the things
you loved to do
while mist is clearing in the yard
fresh roses are blooming in our courtyard
your favorite coffee I sip on the deck
missing your breath upon my neck
Comments
Raj
tears bittersweet tears may I suggest upon my neck instead of on
hello SD
thanks for reading and making two suggestions...being appropriate, I am implementing them...how about rest of the poem? feel free to critique any other aspect...
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is swept or was swept
is swept or was swept
rivulets of rain
I would leave off the in spring
winter when I'd feel a chill
thanks again SD
for coming up with more suggestions....highly appreciated...
regards..
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Hello raj
An enjoyable read with pretty vivid images speaking of some fine treasured memories, and between the lines I could feel how dear your coffee is to your heart.
Highly appreciate it.
Thanks for reading Rula
well as a protagonist I have attempted to capture how a woman could be making a transition after losing her partner....
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I think
it could be interpreted in many ways. I see nothing to specify a certain situation. Even the
bitter sweet tears flow in rivulets of rain
could refer to any lingering memories, or what I thought.
thanks Rula
for sharing your perception...it's appreciated..
considering the sensitive moments around which these verses are spun i have attempted to maintain a soft texture in choosing the words...
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