Rula
Rula
Oct 01, 2018

Purporting Peace

Broken walls, empty halls, danger's an owl,
burning barrels hail with devil's anger.
Bight days as well as darkness howl and howl,
bang bang, am I e'er deaf to the clangor?

No river_banks to walk along, no strolls,
Ninja's powered breaths burned the vacuumed wood.
Noisy sea_gulls once were, now fear the trolls,
nothing's left where ancient histories stood.

Peace conferences, presidents and kings
playing music in fakers' ceremony.
Protocols, and propoganda things,
peace and war never live in harmony.

Barely could lilies bloom in my homeland,
for how would they, when in gut_watered sand!

About This Poem

Last Few Words: For the hundreds who daily die because of wars and penury around the world.

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Jordan, JOR

Favorite Poets: I favor the ones who are closer to humanity and

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Comments

R

raj

6 years 6 months ago

Hi Rula this one is tough for me as is the form which appears to be an Elizabthean sonnet....you are known to challenge yourself as you have once again done...bravo..
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Roscoe Lane

I send no critique, just love, and the hope to one day see you, and your people stroll along peaceful riverbanks. Love Roscoe...

Eumolpus

filled with very dense ironies and truths. Using a sonnet form but hiding nicely behind it. This is a highly well-crafted poem, filled with desperate frustration and anger. From the opening line on...

If I had to, to avoid a fine, suggest one little thing, I would consider the word "gore". Used more as a verb, not an adjective. I would consider 'gut watered sand' (says the same, and added sound bites)

Brilliant poem. From the guts.
..

Sparrow

Loved this piece, I am so sorry for all the things that you and your people have lost over the years, but in these days it is frowned on to be on one side or the other.
I feel your cry it echoes through my space and time, I would love for you to be able to walk freely by the waters side, we are locked in that human weakness, where wars are appreciated more so than the people whose land has been divided.
You take care young Lady and learn that you are unique as are all people.
One day as time is forgotten and folds into nothing there we will be given the true understanding of why..
Yours as always, Ian xx

Rula

Rula

6 years 6 months ago

gentlemen! It was great to find such great comments from you. I'm really humbled. The world is a mess here and in many parts of the world, hence it wasn't too difficult to write this one I guess.
Mark, many thanks for the heads up. I've edited as suggested.
Highly appreciated.