September contest

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Silent Lovers (sept contest)

I lost you
because my voice
was
silent,

And now that I
have found
my voice
again,

you’re not around
to hear me
sing
and sing
and sing and sing.

Oh what a
tragic,
what a tragic,
common thing.

About This Poem

Last Few Words: with regards to Eumolpus for seeing the poem within the poem. Good suggestions!

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Maryland, USA

Comments

what great ending!

to a bit of a choppy poem. My take, forget Paul, definitely forget Novocaine, and the parenthesis don't work. This to me says it all , and says it amazingly well.

I lost you
because my voice
was
silent,

And now that I
have found
my voice
again,

you’re not around
to hear me
sing
and sing
and sing and sing.

Oh what a
tragic,
what a tragic,
common thing.

I think you distilled the

I think you distilled the poem nicely. And I like the simplicity. I'm struggling to decide whether to revise it or not. One way or another, thanks for your feedback, Eumolpus.

Hi Greg

nice poem....i think the changes proposed by Eumolpus will lift your poem...
.......................................................................

thanks raj

I am thrilled to have been of help

and see a very very fine poem- as Pound to Eliot is in the "Wasteland" this is your poem and I just a friend who suggested as an editor might. Thanks for the opportunity.
Do you know the poetry of Mark Strand? I think you have a lot in common. A good thing.

Thank you, Eumolpus. I love

Thank you, Eumolpus. I love what I've read of Mark Strand's poetry. I will be getting one of his poetry books off of Amazon, soon.