raj
Sep 12, 2018

Lost and Found

often I think about
getting off the train of thoughts
at times it's menacing
the sound of the roller coaster
speeding on parallel tracks
leaving a trail of absent thoughts
whirring behind in a flash
before I turn around
they are gone

I get off at the next stop
to cool my heels
but the siren of the engine
draws me in
on the same seat
that had me occupied

I realize I'd left behind
some worn out baggage
with stillborn poems

I order a coffee and mint
and absently look out

soon I find what's lost
on the next bend
the rhythm has returned
the train is wheeling
in pace of my thoughts
and all is falling back in place
in the mind space

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Somewhere in the world, IND

More from this author

Comments

Rula

Rula

6 years 7 months ago

Lucky then raj if you can really have the train of thoughts restored. It seldom returns to me.
I thought this is quite clever.

R

Thank you Rula for reading....perhaps you missed out that in that worn out bag there were stillborn poems....so not always do i reconnect with the train of thoughts.....in fact there are still moments of frustration when I do really think of taking a break from writing poems...rather what I think comes close to being called a poem..
..............................................................

Eumolpus

It has universal appeal, we are all lost in a tower of words and thoughts. The image of the roller coaster and train with this works great and well done. I like how it concludes, putting us back on the tracks. A good poem!

2 thoughts. I think you are using the word "back" too often (5x). also, I think "I chuckle" is a distraction.
It just feels too cute for me. "I order a coffee and a mint" is all you need there.

..

R

appreciate your time to read and comment on this write and good to know you liked it...the repetition of the word back has now been fixed using alternatives and the chuckle has been eliminated too...hope this now reads better...

thanks a lot..
..................................................................................

Rula

Rula

6 years 7 months ago

Yes I missed the 'stillborn' poem the first time on the first read.
I think you've surpassed yourself in this writing. The metaphor worked really well.
Thank you!

Eumolpus

yes, a fine poem indeed! Happy to have suggested some small things that you felt worth adopting.

Rula

Rula

6 years 7 months ago

this qualifies perfectly for September's contest. What do you think?

R

only one is allowed per contest..i already have posted one...
.....................................................................

Rula

Rula

6 years 7 months ago

edit to make this one your official entry.
V. easy
Don't hesitate if you feel more comfortable with this one.

R

for suggesting tp swap this one with the earlier one posted to contest....I had thought about it but think the other one is better though it does not strictly conform to the contest because the "found" part in there is in subtext...
.....................................................................................

S

all have beaten me to this one so all I will say is great writing I just love that line of stillborn poems nice wording the entire poem has one racing but you do a fine job of restoring tranquility

R

for dropping by...reading and leaving an appreciative comment...means a lot..
.........................................................................................