Two branches of the same one religion
Fighting interpretation of edict
Modern weapons aiding old rebellion
Civilians caught in crosshairs of conflict
Missile streaking towards intended spot
More than ten “terrorists” killed in attack
Survivors shrieking for the dead and not
Able to grasp classmates will not be back
Comments
Hi Rhyku,
Your name, I know that is what you
call your brand of Haiku but it seems
familiar, like a character in one of those
fighting games maybe.
I like your poem but it seems a bit
dry. I realize you are a minimalist, I
attempt to be as well but for such
a horrific event, I feel a bit more to
involve your reader might help.
One other thing, when displaying
your work, it is important to direct
the reader to read it the way you do.
The only way to do that is either with
punctuation or line breaks.
All just suggestions, I really wanted
to let you know I enjoy your poetry,
thanks for sharing with us.
themoonman
Thanks for your constructive criticism. I always appreciate your incisive comments and will take your suggestions for my next offering or if possible expand on this poem to make it clearer to the readers.
themoonman's suggestion
I have added an introductory quatrain to clarify the original (and now the second) quatrain.
All right,
Now let me ask you, do you think
you have improved your poem?
themoonman
I think there is more clarity for persons who might not have been able to comprehend the original quatrain.
However, I would like to have your view.
Hello,
Ok, yes, I thought the poem was
about the alleged terrorists not being
terrorists or being more than that to
the people surrounding them (the
survivors). I thought that even the title
was a euphemism ... now I'm unsure,
of course I'm old and tend to read
between lines even some that aren't
there lol.
themoonman,
you are wise and can read where even written lines do no exist. We are all aware of numerous news items concerning collateral damage where innocent civilians in the vicinity were killed while targeting militants. In Yemen recently school children were killed by a missile supposedly targeting rebel militants. Insanity of war.