Pillow Note #2

your pillow was missing a silken touch
like the bedside vase without flowers
the bed sheet was without a wrinkle
absent of its tell tale tattoos --

the clock on our wall kept stalking me
with its ticktock all through the night
every hour and half I heard its gong
resounding the beats of my longing

I knew not before what's life without you
now bring home your sunshine warmth
the flowers I brought don't lift my mood
because none has your charming gloss

just kiss the bud beside this note
yearning for your breath to bloom
brush of your lips will make it blush
with a scent to welcome you home

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Direction: What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Somewhere in the world, IND

Comments

a VERY heart rending pillow talk poetry is yours raj

I knew a guy who had similar experience his loss was sudden and unimaginable !!!!!!!
''''your pillow was missing a silken touch
like the bedside vase without flowers...'''excruciating words raj
This is ur best poem

Thanks Lovedly

for the read and your appreciative words....I try to write out of my comfort zone at times and this is one of them...fact is ever since the introduction of smart phones pillow notes have conceptually disappeared..
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Very sweet, and very lovely.

Very sweet, and very lovely. and for this reason I enjoyed the softness.

there was only one word in the poem I did not like: throb, it seemed somehow, too strong, too harsh, for the rest of the poem.

Thanks Tyro for the read and

Thanks Tyro for the read and good words....I too was struggling to use a softer alternative to throb since I had already used "bloom" ...i used throb in the context of thrill / heart throb and not in any other way...will replace it with something softer....any suggestion? would "rouse" be a good alternative? for now I have replaced "throb" with "blush"
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Unfurl maybe

makes an alternative?
A very romantic and tender note dear friend.

Dear friend Rula

good to know you liked this version of the Pillow Note....i will think about your suggestion as an alternate to "throb" ... how about "burst" does it too sound harsh? I am searching for a word to imply thrill / excitement...know what I mean?

thanks for your suggestion

PS: for now I have replaced "throb" with "blush"
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