In the gummy woods
There lived some gummy bears
And all the kids who visited
They would stop and stare
Cause there was only gelatin
Instead of leaves and hair
And if you took a lick
They wouldn’t even care
In fact, some of the bears and trees
Were so willing to share
That after many visitors
They were hardly even there
If you think these circumstances
Aren’t really fair
That if you wanted something sweet
You wouldn’t even dare
Remember that love and its gift
Are a sacred pair
And some are more than willing
To bear the wear and tear
That giving of yourself
Doesn’t have to be so rare
So let's all be sweet (and sweet again)
Until we disappear
Jul 01, 2018
Until We Disappear
About This Poem
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
I thought
this is really out of the box greg!
thanks. how so?
thanks. how so?
On the
connotation and the comparison level especially. I thought you've set the reader's mood really well on the opening lines. I also appreciate the internal rhymes through out.
thanks. it's trying to be a
thanks. it's trying to be a playful allegory. appreciate the kind words and the read.
greg