I am a cloud of probabilities,
the infinite number of versions of self.
There are moments of presence
when I know all of them collapse in one.
It could be pleasant but most of the time
precisely knowing who I am hurts.
I send the thought to the back of my mind
and continue my blissful absent-minded
gliding over the hills of time.
Yes, time could be hilly and wrinkly
and it stretches sometimes like a lazy cat.
Time is my favorite dimension
because it never goes back
and makes my life much simpler.
What has been done is done.
What has been said is said.
I cannot change what is sealed
by its weightless touch.
I know she is the most honest guard
and yet I try to bribe her every Birthday.
She doesn’t accept my presents.
My searching glances are denied
and aromatic candles grow shorter.
And yet I love the fact that I am mortal.
The clinking memories will fade.
I will be gone
and maybe given an another body
to make mistakes I haven’t done.
Comments
Hi IRiz
First about your choice of the physical form of your poem about centering each line. What i could figure out about it is that the base is like a candle holder which holds the candle with a limited dimension [life span/time]
The protagonist first makes a self appraisal in the first stanza..the second is about realization that "what has been has been] the third is about awareness of days being numbered and having no regrets about it or for the mistakes committed being human concluding with speculation about after life and if it happens you would like nothing to change...
I am at a loss to choose a favorite line or two since there are so many but if i have to choose just one stanza it is the central one....not only because it provides girth to the form but because it communicates lot more than just the words
i realize that even in poetry figure and form add to its beauty...
certainly a pleasure to the eyes and mind...
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Hi Raj,
Hi Raj,
Thank you for your detailed review of the poem.
Yes, I recently started to pay more attention to the way poem looks. Often people do not hear but see the text, so some symmetry adds up to the flow.
Also I noticed that very short lines atract attention and sometimes could have an extra message.
gliding over the hills of time.
what a lovely metaphor
coincidentally
I just composed a poem on time ...posted it in a more popular site of mine
where many share their views sublime
here i am just like
a stone of lime
well that's all it is
for the time
Thank you for your comment.
Thank you for your comment.
nicely done
nicely done
I see nothing that slowed down the ride
Interesting format, but, why not!
I would only suggest: " to make mistakes I haven't (YET) done"
as smooth as usual
I like it
Hi Al,
Hi Al,
Thank you very much.
Thank you for your suggestion.
I think it might disrupt the flow though.
something did't seem right
something did't seem right about the last line
I see it now,
the word "done"
the word fade is right there above
so, I think "to make mistakes I haven't made"
I don't always like it when others try to correct something that I think is fine,
I imagine others feel the same way too.
so, always do your own thing
I
I agree there is something
I agree there is something wrong, now I see it.
Let me sleep on it :):):)
Strange,
Strange,
but the beginning of your poem made me think of physics. The first sentence made me think of the electron cloud. And the second made me think of the wave function collapse in quantum physics.
I must say i enjoyed your ode to time, it really got me thinking about time. You love the fact you are mortal, but seem to find "I will be gone" too final, so envision being mortal again.
Hi Tyro!
Hi Tyro!
Indeed the poem is an attempt to apply the modern physics to solve existential conundrum.
You make the endless possibilities of your existence to collapse at the moment of self-observation. If not for observation you would not even know where is your mind, correct?
" If not for observation you
" If not for observation you would not even know where is your mind, correct?"
"I am aware, therefor I am."
Yes, that kind of thought.
Yes, that kind of thought. Thank you for stopping by, your reading and commenting.
Irene
A very good write though it seemed you became lost in that outer self which is sometimes in turmoil.
There in a flickering of an eye, an opening into your inner self will allow you to see more clearly, a form that has the vibrations of the universes eternity.
You need a perfect mirror to see that depth of you, most times it is a place even the owner cannot see or feel.
There is a sense of loss in your write, maybe you have ben listening to others as they play games of the mind.
Take care as I have said the pathway has obstacles on, find out what they are and in doing so they will be no more.
You live in a finite line of now, you can see behind but not in-front, always do the things you are happy with in both mind and body, dwell in the faith of others, that hold you in their palm.
Yours as always, Ian
Hello, Ian.
Hello, Ian.
I think you added a deeper meaning to the poemand made me happy. Thank you for your kind words. I was kayaking all day today, and enjoyed a blissful emptiness of mind under the pouring rain. It was a refreshing experience.
Have a good week ahead.
Hi,
I like your poetry, this one is
so classy I feel I should have
a fine wine to sip during the
read ... thanks.
Hello, Themoonman! This poem
Hello, Themoonman! This poem was asking to be written for the last few months. It is beautiful what modern physics can do to explain fundamental constituents of our existence.
Now I move into the past. No more physics for now. I am reading Enheduanna, the first known writer on Earth, high Priestess of Ur.
She left 45,000 lines of poetry about four thousand years ago. The main subject being the paradoxical goddess Inanna, there are also personal thoughts and feelings. It is very inspiring.
Hi IRiz
It was interesting to read perceptions of others and your comments on the same...it feels like people stopping in an art gallery and trying to make sense of an abstract painting and the artist [you] is smiling somewhere in the crowd watching them and trying to read into their expressions...
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Raj,
Raj,
here is a fine seed for a poem in your last comment!
IRiz
good to read your response and to know that my comment has a seed of a poem....please feel free to make it into a poem as and when you feel like it...
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It is yours.
It is yours.
IRiz you have teased my mind
IRiz you have teased my mind ..hope I am able to do justice to that muse and start to work on it...
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Good!!!
Good!!!
your poem
love the fresh form and presentation. It's good you can step out of the box like that.
The poem is clear enough. The only line that stumbled me was
precisely knowing who I am hurts
As you state you know who you are- an infinite number of selves. Why does knowing that "hurt"?
I think the poem is more about the acceptance of our multiple selves, and if lady time doesn't like it, that's just too bad.
Hello, Mark.
Hello, Mark.
Thank you for reading and commenting.
It is a pleasure to answer your question.
I wrote in the poem that I am a cloud of probabilities that when they collapse in one in the moment of self-observation the resulting version of self often dissapoints me, because I realize that in these given state and moment in time I am far from perfect and because I missed all the other probabilities being different and better.
Irene
That there are many probability tracts in front of you and they collapse into one as you look inward is correct as when you look inward at who you are there is only the fleeting moment repeated of Now, never be sad at being able to see this if you tarry there you will learn so much of yourself and maybe the need to look outward and what is asked of you.
Take care young Lady and know we are but a thought away, Yours Ian, and the Children .. x
Hello, Ian!
Hello, Ian!
How are you?
Thank you for your kind and wise letter.
Yes, just a thought away.
Irene
I is fine but getting older by the day, my probability tracts are shrinking to a few delicate threads but that is life..
We will have to call you the cabbage patch girl lol but I guess not just being me, Take care and know that we are but a thought away from the universe of the Now and Past so just enjoy. Todays thought Do snow boarders only have one tract as apposed to skiers they have two lol x
Good evening Ian,
Good evening Ian,
Nice to hear from you!
Yes snowboarders have one tract and sometimes none at all when they jump and fly across the plains.
Have a nice evening.
Schrodinger and Heisenberg are driving
when a cop pulls them over.
Cop: Do you know how fast you were going?
Heisenberg: No, but I know exactly where I am.
Cop [suspicious}: Open the trunk.
[looks]
Hey! You know you've got a dead cat in here?
Schrodinger: I do now.
Yes it can be painful when the inifinite possibilities collapse into a single here, now, me I.
It can also be a singularity, an event horizon.
Love the poem. Nothing to add but
NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!
I do not like verse in the center
It really riles this old mentor
I am an adamant dissenter.
I will not read poems in the middle
they all smell like old cat's piddle
it is just visual tarradiddle.
hahahaha,
hahahaha,
i like your eccentric-discentric attitude
thanks for the anecdote
Cheers