raj
Jun 22, 2018

/\/\/\/\/\ [Unpoetic]

My thoughts don't walk straight line
they thrive on electrolytes
to purge the calm
transporting me into
asymmetrical zigzags

I prefer an elixir
to be bitter sweet
than bland

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Somewhere in the world, IND

More from this author

Comments

IRiz

IRiz

6 years 10 months ago

hello Raj

my thoughts don't walk a straight line
[shortest distance between two points] --- I think the definition is not necessary

a tinge of salt, a bit of sugar, ---- sugar is a bad electrolyte, salt is sufficient
make a good electrolyte ----- electrolyte is a beautiful word, but it can't modulate distance,
modulating the distance
in a zigzag line ------ if you say zigzag alone is sufficient

Maybe something like that?

My thoughts don't walk straight line.
Tears, a bit of salt and sugar,
make good electrolytes,
destruct the perfect calm
and force me into
turmoils of asymmetrical zigzags.

R

thanks IRiz for finding time to visit this page...read and critique...i appreciate it....i will ponder over what you have suggested while doing the edits...

did you like the theme?
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