Money here, money there, everywhere
you make the world go round
miracles and wonders lies at your finger tips
healing and deliverance is just a click
then who say money gives you bed not sleep.
you are the salt of life
you are sweet like honey
like an umbrella in the time of rain,
those who found you finds shelter
then who say money gives house not home.
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft
Comments
from the material side I can
from the material side I can fully agree with your poem, but from the spiritual side I am one who says,
money gives house not home.
By language, your subject and verb do not always agree to singular and plural forms.
I doubt it
I doubt it tyro
well, your are still young,
well, your are still young, who knows, life may open wonders to you.