i. Tanka Version
like musical notes
true essence of a poem
is sensed with eyes closed
we don't need to touch the buds
just inhale their mood in bloom
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II. Sunku Version
need not
touch a bud
to feel her charm
behold
the innate
virgin beauty
inhale
her vibrant
poem in bloom
Last Few Words: This is my experimental attempt to post a poem with same theme in two forms - first in Tanka short verse 5/7/5/7/7 syllable sequence and an even shorter form Sunku having 3 stanzas each with 2/3/4 syllable counts trying to conform to the aesthetics of Sunku to show how the same theme can be expressed even in much fewer words...
Style/Type: Structured: Eastern
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
I like the sunku better. (I
I like the sunku better. (I might be bias, smirking)
Hi IRiz
No wonder you liked the Sunku version as I do too. As mentioned in the last few words...my intent in super imposing both forms was to project to those who are new to Sunku form wasto demonstrate how a lot more can be said in so few words with that element of allowing the reader to have his/her own perception as in Sunku....of course as the innovator of this form you know all this whereas others haven't as yet read it...
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I agree with you, it is a
I agree with you, it is a good example you made
I appreciate your
I appreciate your acknowledgement of my intent to do little I can to popularize / project this innovative form of poetry...thanks for that...
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Thank you.
Thank you.