Nucleus [Sunku]

Stars cast
reflections
on river bed

star fish
move around
to gather light

thoughts move
mind stays still
under eyelids

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How does this theme appeal to you?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Somewhere in the world, IND

Comments

I love the simplicity of this master piece

you employed essential abstract, such as mind,.. also, virtual imageries: stars, river beds, starsfish, Mind,thoughts...that would gets ones eye to spot realities of life. And all of them stood out to give the poem great background and powerful theme.
Your poems sometimes seduces me. I love your style of creativity!

Thanks Mallory

for the read...detailed comment and good words. Appreciated....

If you haven't found out about Sunku a newer form of poetry, a brainchild of our friend IRiz go through workshop on Sunku as well as the stream related to the Aesthetics...

It is a stimulating experience and a challenge to put the theme in such a short form...you may want to have a go at it..
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It seems to me...

It seems to me short poems are greater and powerful in every sense of judgment.

Stanza 1and 2 bears a likely the same virtual image but different in one quality.Star fish refers to about 1,800 species of marine animals that are star-shaped. The common term starfish is confusing, though. Starfish aren't fish - finned, tailed animals with backbones - they are echinoderms, which are marine invertebrates. So scientists prefer to call these animals sea stars.

The last stanza got outstanding abstract image: Mind, thought...'thoughts move
mind stays still under eyelids'. This last stanza must surely put one on mental pause- mental race -to search out the stance of this line.

Mr Raj is such a splendid stylist whose work of art is not for a dullards.

Hi Jack

for the read...detailed comment and good words. Appreciated....I must confess though that I am a simple person and on a learning curve...

If you haven't found out about Sunku a newer form of poetry, a brainchild of our friend IRiz go through workshop on Sunku as well as the stream related to the Aesthetics...

I shall have an eye on it

Any poetry platform is my chosen genre. Thanks for the update.

I shall have an eye on it

Any poetry platform is my chosen genre. Thanks for the update.

an interesting play on one

an interesting play on one thing acting on another. the stars on the surface of the water. the starfish responding to the light. and the thoughts playing in the mind. with the closed eyelids it makes it seem like this is all something seen in the mind's eye and not with the actual eyes, which makes the title that much more interesting. could nucleus be the center we are all trying to get back to? the star light back to the stars, the starfish to the light, the mind to these images. this is a very fun form and Iriz is such a beautiful poet. i hope that it does become something established in the poetry corner of the world.

Thanks Greg for the read and

Thanks Greg for the read and breaking down lines to get to the bottom of it. Yes this innovation of Form by IRiz is exciting ...I am using it as often as possible to show case the form...
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Awesome

I got this one and I love its simplicity.

Thanks Rula for the read and

Thanks Rula for the read and good to know you liked it...
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