Jackweb
Jackweb
May 04, 2018

THE HABIT OF NIGHT MOON

…with a gentle smile
Of a tinted teeth,
Splashing her Golding rays-
Calling…,
The spouse for their honey moon.
The night also calls…
The moon and the stars,
To retreat on his crescent
And the bulky stars stood robust,
Hanging above the vast-divide
Letting the twinkling stars to fizzle out
Though some hang above each other
Waiting for their turn to shine
When dark dwells,
The moon mourns
And the still stars stack ahead.
As the dawn broke out from her shell
We began thirsting for sunlight.

About This Poem

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Imo State - Republic of Biafra(Nigeria), NGA

Favorite Poets: Late Christopher Okigbo

More from this author

Comments

chevyvent

Poetry can have a tendency to be abstract by intention especially considering it is written as an expression of self so naturally only the author will have a full understanding

hi poet friend your verses bang in the head and heart I love the dreams your verses explore – an angel has rocked you for your poetry spins before you good wishes fair follower

R

raj

6 years 11 months ago

Welcome to Neopoet. Without disappointing you...i must sa that you have aken welcome steps in Neopoet which is a workshop to help us improve ...I am pretty sure you will stand to benefit fro the critique...i urge you to take them in your stride because it would only help you to improve...

best wishes for your talent to flourish...
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weirdelf

Some of the juxtapositions of imagery made me wonder if the the moss growing on my keyboard may be giving off some sort of hallucinogenic spores. I don't understand the poem but I like it. One critique. The repetition of the word stars four times, was that really necessary?

Jackweb

Thanks for your eyes passing through the poem. The racing eyes here (Neopoet members) are like patrol teams, making more of intelligent discoveries of poetic failures in some poems. Its pretty good all of them got instant overhauling by great sage of men and women.

I think the occurrence of the repetition is used to emphasize a feeling or idea, create rhythm, and/or develop a sense of urgency.
If you examine clearer the other stars expressed in different nature, that is, the form of their state. 'bulky stars, twinkle stars, still stars etc...

just like one character in a movie performs different actions and yet remains what it is.

Thanks for the observation.