ice melts
fog rises
the pond is gone
frightened
wings swooshing
geese have landed
I am
still running
shores of my past
ice melts
fog rises
the pond is gone
frightened
wings swooshing
geese have landed
I am
still running
shores of my past
Review Request Direction: How was my language use?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Mow I understand that why in
Mow I understand that why in a comment to Stan you had humorously mentioned that at times you start from end to beginning which seems to be the case here because your stanza # 3 is very powerful and i believe the heart of this poem for which obviously you have preferred not to have any specific Title...
Regards...
PS I believe npo one other than me is using the "select if your comment is your official critique" option...
I stand corrected...there is
I stand corrected...there is indeed a title which graphically shows "shores"...clever use of graphic
.................................................
Doctor Who
would be proud of you.
And yes, we are.
OK
Critique has already been given so I'll just point to a typo :either geese have or goose has......stan
thank you, very much!
thank you, very much!
corrected
i'd rather be happy
reading more
like forty pages
not such melted rages
from a pen which has the solarly ink
which makes eyes blink
and
the likes of stan and lovedly
have to only think