cobwebs
quieted steps
and muffled voices
portraits
hang sideways
death came alone
spring cries
it is wrong
to harvest early
Feb 17, 2018
This poem is part of the workshop:
Sunku: beyond rhyme and rhythm, search for new structures in short form
XX
About This Poem
Review Request Direction: How was my language use?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Aaah!
Aaah!
I repear Raj's "Aaah!"
Deceptively simple but ineffable depth.
Superb Sunku!
Thank you, Jess.
Thank you, Jess.
I thought about these sort of images that just make you feel present and involved in the story, that tilted painting was haunting me for many years as a symbol of a grief in the house.
Sometimes I think I made up the form for it and for my ginger hare. They do not need more words.
death came alone
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!! 3rd one to repeat
how we all wish
we had deadly company
we won't have to make it alone
couples on earth keep company
why in heaven be bereft
can someone throw kindly light
galaxies are too far
for a sunku to
brief me
do you read me
Yes I do read you, we all
Yes I do read you, we all miss somebody.
Sometimes not even knowing that they are walking amonst us.
Irene
The one that walks the halls
never to disturb a cobweb
or make a footfall..
Seeing without eyes,
A presence felt,
grief of loneliness,
A thought
There in the shadow
they walk with us,
always..
Lovely picture, Yours Ian..x
Thank you for your kind
Thank you for your kind comment