Wandering in a vacant lot
With all the turmoil of the world
Forever discomforting my mind,
I choose among the broken stones
One to kick and call my own.
I measure my steps to be in stride
To boot with the tip of my shoe -
I become a mischievous child
Who is saved from whiny boredom
To play with a new-found freedom.
How many times I punt it further
Bouncing about the cracked pavements
To where it will eventually land
Somewhere in a ditch or a furrow
And be abandoned for all tomorrow.
But now all the tumult is forgotten
From the woeful humanity outside
To this momentary trance of sorcery
Knowing the stone can feel no pain
Kicking it over and over again.
Comments
I
REALLY liked this. Simple stress relief
Gorgeous write!
In this poem you speak the language I understand and take in right away.
Attention to small details, such as the feeling of your foot in the shoe makes it perfect.
Although i don't have the need to kick anything I see the character and love it.
Thanks IRiz and scribbler
Some poems get in your bones and wont let you live. This one took 50 rewrites. I was hoping it would not look overworked.
Very glad you enjoyed the read!
..
this one made me envy (in a
this one made me envy (in a bad sense) so it is not overworked
you should start a new book with it
Wonderful Eumolpus
I really felt the stress free intent of this beautiful gem. I became a little girl in this aged vessel again kicking rocks in my own yard.
Hi Eumolpus
your poetic story revived memories of my childhood when on the way back home from school we would keep kicking either a stone or an empty soft drink can ultimately kicking it to a safe place where it would not get run over by a vehicle. Two thoughts used to occupy my mind afterwards 1) Did I hurt the stone/can and 2) to see if it's still there where I had left it to rest.
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raj
yes I think a universal thing we do as kids, and sometimes as adults. Was thinking about it as I was literally doing it, and the idea of the poem came to me.
In its many revisions, I did consider the "soul" of the rock, like the Native Americans...but in the end did not use it as it was taking the poem too far into the metaphysical and abstract. But I did not consider pain, or to quote Paul Simon in "I am a rock"..."and a rock feels no pain..."
Kicking a can...that's a whole other poem!
...
this is a great idea and a
this is a great idea and a wonderful construction. I love the line that it walks between innocence and experience. the frustration that turns to play. the complex pain that is absorbed, deflected by the simple rock. thanks for sharing!
THIS is a humane poem
50 rewrites
I'd have written
50 newer ones
The first time I have done a reedit
is On Matters Military
EUMO
you need to read it
time permitting
if you have to redo yours only
my!!!! fifty times
can't imagine the need
for such PERFECTION
Revisions
Recently at a wonderful museum exhibition of the works of Silvia Plath showed page after page of revisions of her poems. In a book "Visions and Revisions" by Barry Wallenstein many famous poets and poems are presented with their obsessive revisions. The Poet Nano in Night of the Iguana by Tennessee Williams spends the entire play reworking one poem, trying to craft a perfect work.
Sometimes a poem will be "right" after just a few revisions, other times years worth. I cannot imagine a good poem written once, never revised. All the poets in their ars poeticas discuss the craft of carving a poem with many revisions.
In my workshops many poets present their works and resist any revisions. I look at them like they have 2 heads. Do they think that all the words that flow from their brains are perfect and unalterable? To be a poet is to understand that you must let a poem digest, and the idea is to make the most perfect poem you can, and don't settle for anything else. To me, in the end, that is the craft, that is the art, that separates poets from pretenders. I have noticed you often revise, because you are a poet.
..
and isn't that part of the allure of Neopoet?
Clicking on that Revisions tab and seeing the whole grand, sometimes grotesque, process?
I am sure there is more to this than you are admitting and I'm going to come back and try to figure it out.
Dig it as it stands, though.
I have noticed you often revise, because you are a poet.
'' I have noticed you often revise, because you are a poet.''
I take it as a compliment
as I ain't much of a poet
since birth I only composed
as the words did come
intended pun
as you speak of two heads
all guys have
and use only one
as through it alone comes
pun
and none else
So I adopted in my latest poem
all that should have been done
other than the pun
come
you have helped me to use both of em
what?
heads !!!!
yes, you are a poet
and have proven so in some exceptional poems I have seen.
As for the 2 heads...you know that was just an expression my father used to use, actually I've not heard it around. He also would say things like "they served food like you have 2 colons (actually he used A__-holes)
I guess though "2 heads" could indeed be interpreted that way, but was not intended (LOL)
...
lol
they say men have two heads
one upper ----rarely used
the lower is for ever active
thus were born romantics
like Lovedly
thanks to thee
you call me a poet tree
I revised WHEN and as suggested reTitled it it
when we were
you may re-scan it
please