The sun would wait before it sun down
such elegant appearance,
is just passing by,
it will attract a lot
of eye ball
attention.
a heavy weight champion beauty queen,
My love is heavier than the armors
i am certainly sure,
i shall fight your battles
i will break down all your foes
you shall see victory
in my eyes
when i see you again
May 23, 2018
The Lover Man
About This Poem
Review Request Direction: How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Hi,
Welcome to the site!
Your content is good but you lost me
on the delivery ... advise; write your
words to express the music of language.
First sentence, it doesn't make sense the
way it is written, important to grab your
reader from the beginning.
Noted Sir...
Correction taken. Thanks Sir, Themoonman