through silent corridors and open doors
I hear dripping taps constant as a
ticking clock, repetitive splotch on the
quite side of a nocturnal dawn.
'tis way past midnight shall
soon sleep on dreamed up illusions,
it's a happy day that light wakes me
from such confusions.
I liaise my static pose
poignant thoughts cling
beneath this veil, untold
tales that fail to fade.
the night she knows
my ailing and woes
requite my retraction
as I nestle in repose.
Comments
Hi Zigs, I like this poem....
Hi Zigs, I like this poem.... if you don't mind? I've developed a penchant for his type of poetry. Do what you wilst.
through silent corridors and open doors
I hear dripping taps constant as a
ticking clock, repetitive splotches on the
quite side of nocturnal dawn.
tis way past midnight shall I
soon sleep of dreamed illusions,
happy day when light awakens me
from such confusions.
I liaise my static pose
poignant thoughts cling
beneath this veil, untold
tales that fail to fade.
the night knows
my ailing woes
requite the retraction
nestling soon my repose.
hi there
hi, well thank you for taking an interest in this one of mine
and ty for taking the time, to give me your twist on it I might
well use your suggestions
glad you like it ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,zigs
Zigs
it seems you have made the changes we talked about, much better,
beautifully written.
love lou
hi louise
well hello there yes I made the changes you offered and you were right
thank you for your help , I'm glad you like it ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,zigs
nestle in repose
Hi Ziggy,
I feel the same way about the night. I do like Kailashana's comments. I feel that they make the poem better. I loved the poem. I'm looking forward to reading more of your work...
Dani ( smilecatcher)
Dear Ziggy,
the night she knows
my ailing and woes
requite my retraction
as I nestle in repose.
I loved this verse. It captures and sums up the feeling throughout! Very well done. I have no suggestions. I also like that the last line is the title of this piece.
love, Cat
Dear Ziggy,
I just stopped by for another read! Still fantastic.
tis way past midnight shall
soon sleep on dreamt up illusions,
it's a happy day that light wakes me
from such confusions.
(suggestions:
'tis and dreamed for dreampt)
love, Cat
hi again
O another read that's so good to know
cheers for that and the word edits all
done now, have a good weekend my dear
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,zigs x
Zigs
Zigs,
sorry for missing this one, it just slipped through the net.
Your first mistake was getting Lou to help with it...she missed the major spelling mistake!! LOL!
You should always send your work to your favourite editor...and drop that Lou girl!! (only kidding Lou)
repeatative - should be "repetitive"
That first stanza is right up my street and done in your 'unique' style...which you know I like.
I thought Anna had pretty much covered any potential changes as I have no more to offer.
You know how I like rhyming, and the last stanza really finished this off a treat...for me.
regards,
HS
hi hood
lol I can't bother you with them all hood, lol
O yes your right about '' repetitive ,,,oops ,,
MR editor strikes again ,,,,,,,cheers ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,zigs
Zigs
Zigs:
first stanza last line:
should it be 'quite side of a nocturnal dawn', or should it be 'Quiet?'
cheers,
HS
hi hood
mmm I am not sure to be honest
maybe since it is not the start of a
sentence maybe the way it is but
you must think ''Quite '' ?
Dan
How very dare you lol, ok my spelling is crap, but i was concentrating on the content, of the poem.
SORRY!! Zigs mate,
Lou