smilecatcher
Feb 01, 2011

field of souls

A hearse stands patiently,
no hurry, no worry...
Low dark clouds reflect a mood
of imprisonment in solitude.
The soft rain washes away muted tears,
attempting to soften hidden fears.
Circling over a freshly dug hole,
an eagle, with wings stretched wide, awaits the soul.
A lonely group of mourners
stand close, in repose,
oblivious to the wet dreary day
and quivering in the grey.
No hurry, just worry...
Damp lawns extent to the edge of the trees,
where willows are weeping ill at ease.
Splatters of bright flowers illuminate a somber site,
the melancholic apathy, like night lights, ignite.
Hearts are broken with a profound raw ache,
never to fully repair the break.
A few yards away a shovel is anchored
in a fresh mount of dirt,
where memories are left behind attempting not to hurt.
Each headstone is a chapter in a life,
part of a book sustained to survive.
The end is sudden or expected,
sometimes accepted, always with sadness reflected.
A scene so serene as if the world knows to safeguard its tranquility.
Where a breeze, ever so slight, flap the patriotic flags carelessly.
Not a day goes by without a thought
for the love that I had caught.
After all these years,
there are still tears
for what should have been
our everyday routine.
I don't know what to say or do
when I visit you.
A placid place filled with agony,
weathering the morbid reverie.
No more pain, no more worries...
It's here that you lie alone,
until I join you as a soul
when our existence is surrendered
to the place where loved ones are remembered.

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
[This option has been removed]

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Country/Region: USA

More from this author

Comments

K

And I thought I wasn't enamored of rhyming poems! Go figure. Nice to meet you, I'll be looking forward to your poems.

Did you notice when reading aloud, this has a beat of a dirge????? Well done!

~A

S

Kailashana,
Nice to meet you too. Thank you for your nice comments and yes it was my intention to have this beat of a dirge when reading it out loud. I have to say that I had to look up the word " dirge" I love it.

Z

ziggy

14 years 2 months ago

hi , a well told tale within your words

"Damp lawns extent to the edge of the trees,
where willows are weeping ill at ease.",,,,,,,,,,,like these lines
and also the ending ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,are you new here ?
I also liked the ending ,,,,,,,,,ziggy

S

Hi Ziggy,
Nice to meet you. Thank you for your nice words because I must say that the poem took a lot out of me.
And yes I am new since the new Neopoet. I had been part of Neopoet months ago and I'm happy to be back.
Thank you

S

I've not read you before. If you are new here, welcome. This write contains the best of rhyming and free verse. A rare thing in my limited experience........................scribbler

mand

mand

14 years 2 months ago

I think you are going to make a wonderful additon to Neo. Excellent flow and imagery.

Love Mand xxxxxx

Candlewitch

A wonderfully vivid write, full of stark imagery! I loved this dark piece. Especially:

Each headstone is a chapter in a life,
part of a book sustained to survive.
The end is sudden or expected,
sometimes accepted, always with sadness reflected.

Welcome to Neo!

always, Cat

Psyve

Psyve

14 years 2 months ago

Your words paint a very sharp picture of this idyllic yet sad landscape.

Nicely told. I think you have captured the mood and feel well.

On a minor note, I found the rhyming scheme in this piece a little forced and distracting: As a songwriter, most of my own work is in rhyme, so I have no problem with rhyme per se... it just felt to me as if this one needed a little more working out...

That said, it could be just me...

Psyve