Before I walk in the bathroom I check the shower
All I see are bees when you can see the flower,
And I can't bare to walk outside
When a murderer could walk by.
And I just want to trust, but everyone lies
And everyone has a bad side.
I don't like to look in the mirror,
I'm afraid ill see what's real,
I don't take food from strangers, it will bring your grave near
I don't got much money but my meds are a deal.
Just remember to tell yourself that "you are fine
And people you love don't cross that line,
And tell yourself that you're not rational
Your disorder isn't national.
You're just being paranoid
Humans won't destroy
You're just being paranoid
Your mom is not a decoy."
May 09, 2018
Paronoia
About This Poem
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
I enjoyed this. the title
I enjoyed this. the title helps frame the poem. the whole thing is logically consistent. it gives a good picture of someone who struggles with questions not just a person on meds would ask, but that anyone could ask, when they're thinking about the bad stuff in life. it feels like a little window into a troubled soul. "You're just being paranoid, your mom is not a decoy." LOL. very funny and a good way to end the poem.