IRiz
IRiz
May 08, 2018

Not sure what troubles me more...

Not sure what troubles me more

-- overwhelming abundance of bloom
or the petalfall,
the thick layer of fragrant splendor
on the forest floor,
once a year chance to walk
in the upside-down world,
to dip my hands
into the pink and white lacy foam,

-- the note about a lost dog
or that the note is dated two years back, 
and people still hoping to save the pet
posting the freshly printed letters,
colored ink on a glossy paper,

-- turtles sunbathing
or jumping all at once in the pond
like a well coordinated rescue  squad, 
I wonder what are they up to,

-- my new wrinkles
or my grown up sons,

-- the quiet of the morning
or that I can hear feathers flapping,
tree buds popping, and squirrels
shelling acorns for breakfast.

But what doesn't bother me at all
that when everybody else does
something undeniably important,

I sit on the bench
built for someone's father and  late husband
and I stare at the rainygreen water of the lake
doing utterly nothing. 

IRiz 2018

About This Poem

Last Few Words: Petalfall and rainygreen are two new words I just made up.

Review Request Direction: How was my language use?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Washington DC, USA

Favorite Poets: Matsuo Bashō

More from this author

Comments

chevyvent

The story behind this poem is that you should not try to be perfect, because nobody is. No matter how good you think you are, there is always someone better than you. So stop focusing on trying to win everything and instead work to be a better person and a good member of society
Often we forget about the reality and are busy in our wild fantasies. So we really need to snap out of it and to make our every breath count. Realise the real truth and manifest the divinity within

R

raj

6 years 11 months ago

and I stare at the rainy green water of the lake
doing utterly nothing.
....................................................................

IRiz

Thank you for doing right thing. It is a good season for it.

The word should be raingreen or rainygreen, I have not decided. It is a poetic trick when two words are fused to make a new meaning.

T

tyro

6 years 11 months ago

After reading the first two lines, I stopped and asked, is this suppose to be a paradox. How can
“overwhelming abundance of bloom
or the petalfall,”
trouble someone.

As I read on I continued to try and solve the puzzle, but all the examples seemed as ambiguous as the first

But very clever of you, you only gave the key that unlocks the paradox, on the last line before the volta, and with the connection confirmed, the paradox melts away.

"does
something undeniably important,"

I was happy when I received the key, because earlier I was like, "come on,what you got against the turtles".

IRiz

Hi Tyro,
I wanted to say my usual that small things are important to me, it troubles me to see the petals on the ground, turning the world upside-down.
It reminds me that things end, reminds me that despite the abundance it will be gone.