IRiz
IRiz
Apr 26, 2018
This poem is part of the workshop:

Basic and Essential Meter

(Read More...)

Footsteps

Footsteps approaching me.
I hear loud clanking -
keys or silver, or perhaps an armor?
Or maybe glints of the belated moon
awry on marble of the floor?
Tall windows let the early morning flow.
Silk curtains fly in horizontal lines,
transparent messengers to meet
an early mist
above the lake surrounding my room.

Footsteps
or maybe sound of the hooves,
my horse returning from the land of dead?
I hear limping of her wonded moves.
I want to touch her neck,
to brush her mane just one more time.
I lift my hand and I wake up
to see my husband brouhgt
fresh coffee - two dark blue, gigantic mugs
with horses running on the sides.

About This Poem

Last Few Words: Iambic somethingmeter Lol I can't write precise tetra or pentameters they comeout too boring so I added a little bit of mess in foot count What do you think?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Washington DC, USA

Favorite Poets: Matsuo Bashō

More from this author

Comments

R

raj

7 years ago

In two stanzas you have created wonderful images, moods, sounds, colors with a lovely romantic signature ending connecting dream to reality.
.............................................................

fink555

is very obviously a phantasy poem, sort of like the "The mists of Avalon" become a poem. Very nice.

fink555

of the best poets writing today and might open your mind to different ways of writing--not just a certain suffocating formalism. I don't make a cent off em.

weirdelf

I asked for simple quatrains for you to get the feel of specific metric forms.
You must see that I do a lot of work to parse a poem metrically with all the stressed syllables in Bold and / between feet.

I'll parse this later when I feel less cranky.

IRiz

But I already submitted what you asked, to the best of my abilities, and now I want to discuss with you, as a mentor of the workshop, the experiment with plain iambic meter but more irregular foot count. I thought that this approach gives a chance to learn more while we are waiting for others. It is still iambic.

I think that the meter helps the romantic dreamy content.

Cheers, my friend

IRiz

Hugs!!! Still friends?
Holding on to the offer with both hands,
I am staying and patiently waiting
for the new exercise to begin.
Don't throw me overboard, please.
I will sink like an overloaded
with ametric verses boat
with all of my unrealistic plans
and unfulfilled dreams.

weirdelf

it's just that over the last eleven years the biggest obstacle I have encountered in helping people learn meter is that they just want to ignore the basics and delude themselves that they have the natural 'poetic musical ear'.

Most of them don't and I have made this workshop as simple as possible to try to help.
So as we work together let's do it on your other works.

Most poets don't have the faintest fucking idea what meter is, are too egotistic to admit it and treat these very simple exercises as 'buk larnin wot yu kan ony larn from life'.

IRiz

I think that you are trying to insult me.
But instead you made me puzzled.
I don't think that I can piss off anybody by my benign lines. It is okay that you don't like it. I am not sure I like everything I write myself.
This particular poem and its flow reflect my character very much. I like to dream. And I like Russian poet Gumelev, he wrote some romantic poems I read first time when I was a little girl. Since then I had the idea to write something like the poem Footsteps. Anyway I should not even talk to you, because you were rude to me. Or maybe it is just language barrier that sometimes still makes me wish people would be more telepathic. Goodbye for now.