IRiz
IRiz
Dec 11, 2017

Return

The town met me with
a homeless smile
that flew above the toothless tunnels,
a moth uncertain where to crash,
 too many lanterns,

a trail of traffic lights
 reflected in splashed puddles,
green rivers
lying flat under my tires,

clock towers and clouds 
of glowing golden spray
around every car,

tall buildings, small benches,
dog parks… 

I thought I'd never return
but here I was 
still carrying the smell
 of bonfires deep in my lungs,
driving cautiously
as if for the first time.

Shop windows,
old trees lost in the traffic circles,
cathedrals and monuments
excited voices, high-heeled lines
to the popular bars…

My town met me with  love.
I felt cozy and warm
seeing again a shy smile
in his nearsighted eyes.

About This Poem

Review Request Direction: How was my language use?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Washington DC, USA

Favorite Poets: Matsuo Bashō

More from this author

Comments

Geezer

a coming home to a special place. I especially like the lines:
"A trail of traffic lights
reflected in splashed puddles
green rivers lying flat under my tires" .
~ Geezer.
.

IRiz

Thank you for reading, my friend,
i guess you could see where the poem took you
i am glad you commented, i write with my heart, paws and claws and it is important that someone civilized reads it. Have a good night.
PS This week i am working in the lab day and night and show only sporadic activity online

lovedly

I'll sample my blood
see what all you can see
full of bacterium
and do read my kids poem we love all of em
cpaciba devuyshka!!!
russki
dobr vecher
dobri denye

weirdelf

hooked from the start. Although, obviously, that wouldn't have worked without the title.

I love the poem, guache imagery, subtle emotion, elegant cadence.

The poem is a beautifully constructed journey in itself as I see it, the return starting with the return, so to speak.

S

Bull crap. as is illustrated in your poem. Home will be there no matter the changes. The only thing which niggles at me is "homeless smile" which I think you intend to mean you no longer have a home located there but the place is still happy to see you. But homeless smile might be too easily misconstrued as an image of homelessness......I have no suggestion for a better phrase but that still seems not quite right........stan the nit picker lol

IRiz

Hi Stan
Thank you for reading.
Homeless smile is a smile that hangs in the air and doesn't belong to any particular owner
Homeless smile is a smile of a person who doesn't have agenda or goal
Homeless smile is many smiles that meet you in the street, don't mean much, but still precious simply because they are smiles
And also it is a smile of a homeless guy
stinky and hopeless and yet completely honest.
It was hard to find a proper words for the image.
Cheshire cat would know it better.
Have a nice day ahead.

lovedly

I came back home just to read your RETURN

Then I found it again I'd read it last time I was in Spain
But the other day I went back to my village
cemented forests now
I had to ask the guy the way
to where I'd once lived

He smiled
you are standing on it
now leveled to the ground
all but a small bit
to allow you the bird's eye view
that you'd love to see
of a birth place
all want to return
whenever if ever

So I returned back away from home
now
NO more a HOME