Rhiannon1010
Rhiannon1010
Nov 06, 2015

Et tu, Brute?

I’m getting real sick of your shit, JC.

I know I’m supposed to be loyal, but

You can’t expect to rule the world. Some

People are going to resist you and your laws.

 

I guess I’m one of those people. You want too much

Power for yourself. It’s a slippery slope. Like blood on marble.

Slick. Then I saw what I must do. Now I see what I have done and I

Can see myself in the sticky reflections, swimming in death. I see me ask myself

                                                                                                                                                “Et tu, Brute?”

About This Poem

Review Request Direction: How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: North Carolina, USA, USA

Favorite Poets: Alfred Noyes

More from this author

Comments

alidzain

You make me wonder who is this JC and what the person did to piss you off..Hmmm. A good write filled with emotion.

Alid

Sparrow

Poor Julius lies dying and all he can say is Et Tu, lol
This piece is sweet as blood spilling over marble steps.
He shouldn't have upset so many, but if you look at history it happened quite a lot..
Good write but old and could have been more exciting, whoops!!
Take care Yours Ian..

alidzain

First stanza, 3rd line. Is 'word' supposed to be 'world'?

Alid

Esker

Esker

9 years 5 months ago

In Macbeth I liked Duncan!....ambition.....ambition lived through others is poor...
brutus did this with jc...all that fell through in no time...the reign was done...the end
was not long after....protocol had come unwound...simliar to mcbeth
the crowns rule on the more superstitious northern tribes began to unravel

marble was a great material to work with...looked great....hard too get too but
not impossible...

many run others ahead of themselves because they just cant get out front
political title....protocol......if you are female....males have the balls..the old boy
network..it does exist....it is real...but females can rule....
met a few!

a good working of the poetry here
I like that you are venturing with much
not just hammering out the
regular fodder
but creating a lot of different
venue with your work
and much talent

Makes this old mans smile greatly!
and remembers his scratchy old high school
shakespeare!!!records!!

thank U

wesley snow

Hmm.
I don't think you can use only and 19 in the same phrase.

Rhiannon1010

Haha :) Why is that? I'm only a child compared to others. I've hardly lived. If i were to die tomorrow no one would say "Oh she lived a good full life." Hopefully, instead of celebrating, they would say "Oh she died too young. She had so much more to live for." So yes. I'm only 19.

Sparrow

With the work you put out and compared to some of us old people, there is a great future, if you remain dedicated to writing and learning more each day
On my reckoning you have 5844 days to go before you reach where I am now.
Go out, learn then teach, it is yours to do and be, have a lovely journey young one,
Yours as always, Ian xx

wesley snow

I had my Equity card and was performing on the live stage. I suspect you're doing something extraordinary also beyond the poetry. Nineteen is a very cool time. Use it.

weirdelf

since it's in the first person
"et te, Brute"
A bold conception, well executed (may I be severely pun-ished for that remark)

Eumolpus

and motion.
I want to express 2 thoughts- The first is JC, whom everyone will immediately think is Jesus, so rather than create a distraction just say, Julius, or Ceasar. The other is a suggestion by Pound, who once said the further a poem goes from music the less effective it is. As a reader, I follow the poem as I would a reading music. So I pause, in free verse, at the end of the line. If not, why has the poet chosen to end the line where he/she did?
So if you do that, the lines don't work. Here's my take...

I’m getting real sick of your shit, Julius.

I know I’m supposed to be loyal, but

You can’t expect to rule the world.

Some people are going to resist you and your laws.

I guess I’m one of those people.

You want too much power for yourself.

It’s a slippery slope. Like blood on marble.

Slick. Then I saw what I must do.

Now I see what I have done

And I can see myself in the sticky reflections,

Swimming in death. I see me ask myself

“Et tu, Brute?”

Here the poem takes a certain form, it's physically tighter, which is a factor. And reading line by line,
the pauses fit the narrative. WDYT?