As thorns
Might peck ****s
And kick ***es
Bullets
End the lives
With no mercy
Her words
(Soft fabrics)
Kill with cold blood
Mar 09, 2018
This poem is part of the workshop:
Sunku: beyond rhyme and rhythm, search for new structures in short form
Some Metaphorical Speaking Sunku
About This Poem
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Rula,
Very interesting! Not sure how I feel about the self-censorship. I'm not even sure what the first censored word was supposed to be. When I think of thorns, I think of them pricking fingers. When I think of something being pecked, it is eyes or faces being pecked by a bird.
Nonetheless, the transition from the kicking of the butts to the brutal death of bullets, to the cold-blooded nature of the words, despite their softness, is really great, thought-provoking. It is also something different than what many sunku might otherwise be about (pastoral/peaceful/etc), which I think is a good challenge.
Take care,
Kelsey
Dearest Kelsey
really great to see you on my page. I am not sure about how good is the idea of using bad/rude words when it comes to poetry. I always think of poetry as something elite, that's why I prefer not to be so open whilst using such words.
Maybe pins or needles instead of thorns work better.
Anyway I am happy to know the images of transition work for you.
Really appreciate your visit and the comment higgly dear!
I will say this Rula
I will say this Rula
Your Sunku and Kelsey's comment compliment each other so well
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Dear raj
though I am not sure about the '6' in your reply, yet I really appreciate it.
Thank you for the visit.
Rula
Ooops!!...the 6 was a typo...i have deleted it now...
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You have...
my vote. I too, was intrigued by the self-censorship and not sure what the first one meant. As you might have seen in my previous attempts at Sunku, I also had the flavor of darkness sewn into the poem. I guess that it is the nature of our souls to push the limits and break away from tradition. I wish that you had let yourself go and just written the words that were on your mind. ~ Gee.
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Thank you Guy
I don't think it's too hard to guess the intended "starred" words. I am more concerned with the whole idea. If the message is well delivered then the mission is accomplished and I think it is.
Highly appreciate reading my words and leaving such a comment