I am
Late next month
Seventy six
My thoughts
Clouded some
What, who, or when.
I did
Please tell me
Things I have done
Feb 26, 2018
This poem is part of the workshop:
Sunku: beyond rhyme and rhythm, search for new structures in short form
Its an Age thing (Sunku)
About This Poem
Last Few Words: Irene, was on about Birthdays some place. While the cats away the mice will play lol Have a great day Ya'all..
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
The one
The one
Who was born
In early spring
The one
Who does not
Remember a thing
Is still
My dear
Poet friend
Irene
As Jess said the silly bulls were not good, well that's Bulls for you lol.
You go sort your studies out, Jess said he would look after the workshop for you.
See you in a couple of weeks,
Take care
Yours Ian.x
Ready to take off
Ready to take off
Syllable count way off, but great
https://vocaroo.com/i/s1CHzbtnOGXt
Jess
will sort out the Bovine mistakes, it was getting late and this ole guy needs more sleep.
Thanks for your read and comment they mean a lot,
Yours Ian..
i've no idea about the sillybulls
but it flows delightfully, and makes complete sense!
Best wishes
val.
willful ignorance.
You even managed to build in an insult. You know what syllables are. You are no better than Crud.
Fuck off.
and does not this kind of behaviour of yours
put a halogen bulb behind Mr Crud's evaluation of you?
shame on you, little man.
Best wishes
val x
my apologies Sparrow
my review was not the least insulting as the little man suggests.
i thought it well thought, and my reference to the syllable count was my ignorance of the sunku form. i'm well aware of what a syllable is. far more than some know what manners are, it would appear.
Best wishes
val x