Sunku: beyond rhyme and rhythm, search for new structures in short form

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PARKLAND (Sunku shop)

Ajar
doors and lives
of innocents

Litter
soft and dear
strewn by monster

Revenge
is certain
but will not heal

About This Poem

Last Few Words: In Florida....17 innocent lives ----gone

Style/Type: Structured: Eastern

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: South Carolina, United States, USA

Favorite Poets: Frost

This user supports Neopoet so it can be free to all

Comments

i have a question-suggestion

Thank you for another great addition to our workshop!
my question is about the last stanza
somehow i want it sound less strong on certainty of the revenge
and instead emphasizing how irreversible the loss is. What do you think?

Revenge
will not heal
loss is final

Hi Riz

I wanted to convey how the eventual vengeance taken upon the monster will be certain but will not do much to heal the souls of all the people he damaged either physically or emotionally. but as usual I'll likely edit this at some point and when I do I'll see if there's a way that I can fit your idea in without eliminating mine.

Prosecution of criminals is

Prosecution of criminals is not a revenge.

I disagree

And what's wrong with that? The idea of rehabilitation is a relatively modern and failed idea.

It is justice, isolation,

It is justice, isolation, Panishment not ravenge

It's not revenge from the system's

point of view but it is exactly that from the victims' families point of view. And in this case it is likely going to be death not isolation from society. Indeed if it was up to me this excuse for a man would be strapped down and stabbed in a different non-lethal place for each person he killed, let lay for about an hour so he can fully understand his victims' pain then shot in the head. And do this in public so others who might be contemplating doing this same type thing would know that if convicted the worst thing they'll have to endure is a peaceful going off to sleep.

I respect your point my

I respect your point my friend
I share your pain and anger
I think that more violence is not an answer to heal the society. But maybe you are closer to reality. Maybe fear is more efficient than love. Some animals are too primitive to appreciate love but can be controlled by fear
I want to live in the ideal world
I know you too
But we live here and now
Many hugs to you

Now

we can get back to workshop