Marvel Godwyn
Marvel Godwyn
Jan 12, 2018

#haiku 1

bounteous rain fall
quenched perennial parched soil
heaves sigh of relief

About This Poem

Review Request Direction: How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Country/Region: Nigeria

Favorite Poets: Jess Tapper

More from this author

Comments

Marvel Godwyn

I really appreciate your stopping by Lovedly, could you reread again please?
Quenched is a one syllable word
Perennial is a four syllable word
Parched is a one syllable word
Soil is a one syllable word.
I doubt if your complaint is clear to me ,are you saying the syllables are more than seven or less than seven?

weirdelf

This is fucking good haiku, thanks brother.

We don't need to be very strict about the 5-7-5 syllable count. They aren't even syllables in Japanese.

What counts is saying something beautiful and profound whilst working within a tight structure.
You have succeeded.