Porch sitting

After midnight (way beyond)
I listen
To the strong Ferntree song
It whistles (as snoring does)
Who Will Play?
(No one awake)
Trees are here
With me they chime
But all I want
Is you
(But I wait, awake)
Sleep dear
Sleep deep
Awake tomorrow and I'll
Be near

About This Poem

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Tasmania, Australia

Favorite Poets: Teresa Hooley

Comments

I know this feeling..

Some are morning people, some are not alas. Love the image of the porch, and the morning, could almost be there. Good stuff.

Thank you.

Chris :)

Hi Chris

Hi Chris
Sorry it's taken me a while to reply.
This was a frustrating one. As the morning is really a midnight morning - wanting to stay up really late. I hope the end was a little more gracious than I felt at the time. (Hoping that makes sense).

Hi Chris

Hey Scatter,

I love the use of the parentheses in the poem. I usually think of them like thoughts occuring in a poem, or sometimes an aside whispered to the reader and I love that.

I also enjoyed the word play, and repetition of sounds in the poem with the lines:

(But I wait, awake)

Sleep dear

Sleep deep

Awake tomorrow and I'll

And also with the lines:

After midnight (way beyond)

I listen

To the strong Ferntree song

My two small suggestions for the poem are as follows:

I think the title should follow title case for a more polished look ("Porch Sitting") and I would like to know if the capitalization on "Who WIll Play?" is intentional. If so, could you tell us why? If not, I think "will play?" could be lowercase and that might help readers stumble a little less. The capitalization made me emphasize the line in a way that did not fit the peaceful patience of the poem's images, so I think the change would help.

Of course, you don't have to make any of these changes if you don't want to. It's your poem and your choice about how/why you revise. These are just my ideas meant to inspire you.

Take care,

Kelsey

Oh Kelsey,

Oh Kelsey,
I'm so sorry for not replying sooner. I truely appreciate your suggestions and will have a play around with this one a little more shortly.
The Who Will Play? In capitals was sort of like a child stamping it's feet- if that makes sense to you?

Scatter,

No worries! We all have responsibilities outside Neopoet. :)

And the capitals do make sense that way.

Kelsey

I don't think it is what this poem is about,

but evokes for me those precious times of just being with a lover asleep. a combination of awe at their unguarded beauty and a sense of protectiveness.
There is more to it, of course, that's just what it gave me in particular.