Kicking Rocks

I remember kicking rocks
On the way to school
Looking down, thinking
I should remember what this is like
Being a kid
It might be interesting later
I squeezed my eyes
And pinned the spot
A shiny red tac on a crisp blank map
So many ways from here to there
Somewhere
A hero waited
I was going to be brave

But the words they taught me
Such helpless tools
I knew even then
As I wrote the shaky letters down
In front of the class
With all my focus
My love was deeper than this
And I wanted to tear the world down
With my tiny hands

Now
I write too much for love
My friends say
Don’t use the word itself
In a poem, that’s too easy
But all the twists
All the rhymes and verse
Calculated, contrived
Words
Trying to trace a story somewhere else
They all lead back to me
Just thinking of you
Or crying for that kid

Still
Where else to go?
To meet the infinite
And try to touch you
To find you
I’ve got 26 keys to tap
To scratch a ring around my being
And play the role I write
But the ragged old story hurts to carry
Red lines everywhere
Why can’t you just see me?
Without the words

I was only made to grip and move
Kick in doors
Tap the table top
Ride home with the dragons head
And a pile of gold
Not show you my soul
I don’t even know where I came from
But I came with something
I didn’t decide on
And it might be beautiful
Maybe
Maybe you can show me
Show me before I wash away

It’s getting late
And this damn rotten skin is no good
But it’s the only place I got
The snakes are swimming hard
But I’m tough as steel
I’ll just swim harder
And keep reaching for my hammer
Day after day
With a frozen mouthful
Of useless words

I would have made a better cave man
A good man
A good cave man hunting
And protecting you
Because
I love you
I really do
There I said it, and that’s that
Damn the rules
In a poem
Close the page, drop the pen
Let’s go outside and walk
Down to our spot by the river

Ill hold on, and on
To your hand
But
No one is there
Just me
Kicking rocks on the side of the road
Thinking of the ways from here to there
Backwards now
To my shiny red pin
We sit like book ends
Me and that kid
Pushing hard against what could have been
Not even a proper witness
To note the waste
Just words that missed
All wrong
Blank pages
Waiting for the perfect story