Eumolpus
Eumolpus
Dec 24, 2017

CONFESSIONS OF A PHILOGYNIST*

How shall I worship womanhood now?
Shall I imagine the youthful face in 40 years
To add wisdom in the creases by the lips
That reflects a redder tone of gloss?

Shall I lower my eyes like a spanked dog
To avoid a stare at the bare cleavage
With its ruby resting in the crevasse by the heart,
While the nipple shows its shape through the silk?

Shall I attempt to not smell the fine perfumes
As did the oils found in an ancient tomb
Once adorn a woman with sweet fragrance,
Or the minted breath and powdered cheek?

Since the invention of the white shirt
My uniform has just a tie to express my day-
But each woman on this street has her flair,
Her hairdo, purse, ensemble to high heels,

Painted nails, wrists with bejeweled charms,
The daily shift of heels and feathered hats;
How shall I worship womanhood now?
Long ago I chose one and she chose me,

And she still gets her eyelashes done.
I meekly notice the women around me
Like a tourist in an exquisite palace garden
Unable to confide my praise unto the statues.

About This Poem

Last Few Words: A PHILOGYNIST- love of or liking for women. The opposite of misogynist, a more common word.

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Country/Region: Washington DC

Favorite Poets: D.Thomas

More from this author

Comments

swamp-witch

there is the opposite of misogynist. There is so much negativity in the world sometimes; I never imagined that the antonym existed as far as it's-officially-in-the-dictionary goes.

A small question: on the first stanza, did you mean to use caste? I've never seen it used except for the caste system to divide people.

Happy holidays if you celebrate anything this time of year, if not, hope you are having a peaceful winter with loved ones. It's Christma-Hanu-Kwanza in our household to cover most of the bases for those we have in our biological and chosen family.

Kelsey

Eumolpus

I was involved with printing and dyeing for many years, and it was very common to say "make a color darker or brighter caste" etc., so I assumed it was correct...but you are correct, as far as the google showed me! It was not proper English. So I have changed it, and thanks so much for noticing. A little detail like that is a big deal!
The same to you and your family!We are doing what has become a tradition among secular Jews from Brooklyn on X-mas day...going for Chinese food! I don't know why that is, but it is a phenomenon you will hear repeated by the likes of Jerry Seinfeld.
Looking forward to sharing poems with you next year.

Eumolpus

A poet who embodies poetry in all your poems and comments.
It is always great to get your input, and your new works to see what the day has brought to you.

chevyvent

Poetry can convey the timeless hidden attributes of true beauty. As A beacon of light to a hurting world in need of true lasting love. It is evident that what we do for today will become evident throughout eternity. We need only take a deep look inside for we have no reason to hide. My passion in life is to convey true lasting hope to the mass populace. With a cause to love are neighbor & show compassion. To those in dire search for true artistic freedom. True freedom that many take advantage of. We need to shine the light of poetic thought to everyone we encounter to meet.

Eumolpus

and I sincerely thank you. Your comments do speak of a universal truth, of truth as beauty as the poet says in the ode.

But the poem is, by an large, concerned with the current politics of sexuality. Although somewhat rhetorical, it is a commentary of how these politics have forced men to have to hide their adoration
because anything they say could hold them responsible for harassment, even "you smell lovely today". We have to treat womanhood like they are statues- made of stone. It is obviously about the physical presentation in the gender war, not in any way an affront to stereotypes about talent, abilities, or intelligence. And it is not really about "love"; that aspect is dealt with in the fact that I long ago I had chosen one, she chose me, and that relationship is "love"...but she, a woman, still attends to her vanity in being a woman (does her eyelashes) which is a good thing. But besides her whom I have chosen, can I not also rejoice in presentation of women in the world, of womanhood? or do they have to start presenting themselves as did the Chinese during the cultural revolution- all make up and vanity was forbidden. Total equality of sexes in all ways.
Not for me! But then I'm a philogynist.

swamp-witch

Ruined it.
 
I saw the poem as more about the women you have been intimate with. I thought "women around me" was more about wife/girlfriend/lovers than strangers on the street. 
 
Saying "hello, Beautiful" and having a little peak at your wife's bosom when it's looking especially soft and supple in her nightgown in the morning is totally different than saying/doing the same thing to a women on the street you don't know. As a woman, I hope my explanation of why helps you see it our way. 
 
I'm sure you understand that women's bodies (and girls) have been treated as the objects of men's pleasure for ever. We are taught, still today, that our looks and our bodies should be groomed to attract you for your viewing and touching pleasure, not for our own health or happiness. 
 
Just three of countless examples:
 
 
 
It is different because you are a stranger and we live in a country where 1 in 3 women suffers domestic violence from their partner: https://ncadv.org/statistics
 
A world where 1 in 6 women will be raped in her lifetime: https://ncadv.org/statistics 
 
Or 1 in 4 young college women will be sexually assaulted before they graduate: http://www.bestcolleges.com/resources/preventing-sexual-assault/
 
Also, 72% of murder-suicides in our country involve intimate partners and 94% of the victims are women, meaning almost 3 out of 4 times that a domestic abuse gets out of hand to the point that the husband/boyfriend decides he's had enough, he kills her then himself (also from the NCADV source from above).
 
In other words, look at the women in your life, in your home, at work, at the park, etc. Count off every three, then four, then six. The woman you land on at three has been physically abused by a boyfriend or husband and there is a 72% chance she will eventually be killed by it. The fourth will be sexually assaulted before she graduates college (by age 21-23). The sixth will be raped in her lifetime. 
 
Sexual violence against us is so prominent that we have no way of knowing who the good guys, the safe men, the non-rapists are. Hell, we can't even trust that our husbands, boyfriends, fathers, uncles, brothers, or male friends wouldn't force themselves on us or beat the hell out of us when we say “no”, because they do it every day. 
 
So when a stranger on the street pays us a compliment about our bodies (not me, though, I'm ugly and butch enough to be left alone by men, but not butch enough to be beat up for being a dyke; I've got it all figured out) we have no way of knowing if this guy is just trying to be nice or if he is actually a pervert or rapist or domestic abuser who might blow up and become violent/reactionary when we dismiss/deny his compliments/advances. The statistics are not in our favor at all. 
 
A part of that problem is our culture, which dictates that our bodies can be objectified for your pleasure. If we are just walking objects, living sex dolls, then we aren't really people. We are your playthings, and by extension, your punching bags. When boys grow up into men in our society being told that “boys will be boys” (their violence and outbursts are excusable) and that girls dress and behave to attract them, it does not take many steps of logic for them to ignore "no" and then do worse. 
 
So no, when women and the "political climate" hurt your feelings because you want to stare and "admire" strangers, it’s not because our politically correct world is trying to ruin your good time. It’s because it doesn't feel like admiration on our end. We have no way of knowing what is unsolicited admiration and what is objectification, because the line between the two doesn't exist between strangers. 
 
How would you like for a gay man who is a stranger to make unsolicited comments about your appearance in a cafe or on the street ("Oh, you're a poet? That's really attractive. You know, I like older men too. You've got experience where it counts.")
 
You wouldn't. And it's the same thing. It was unsolicited and fom a stranger. You would have no way of knowing if he was just trying to be nice and flirty in a playful way or if he was coming on to you or what he might try to do to you if you were alone. You would probably not feel safe, especially if he was a big burly bear of a man who seemed like he could overpower you. That is how women feel because of these comments. Treating us like "statues" is just more objectification too. Don't treat us like statues. Get over it and treat us like a fellow human being with feelings and fears and lives, not objects. 
 
As for your example comment, wouldn't it freak you out if the hypothetical man was close enough to *smell* you and comment? Yes it would. 
 
Make compliments to women about their talent, their intellect, their kindness, their business savvy, their writing, their humor, their humanity, not their bodies. If you would not make a certain compliment to a fellow man (as a straight man), don't make it to a woman. If you wouldn't tell your coworker "Nice tie" while staring at how good his muscled pecks look in his dress shirt, don't have that same interaction with a woman about her necklace in her cleavage (unless it’s your wife/lover). Because no matter how innocent, kind, or safely flirty you are trying to be, no matter how good your intentions are in your mind, it makes us feel unsafe and inhuman. We can’t know your intentions. We don't know which compliment or other similar behavior will escalate to violence against us, and chances are it will happen. 
 
When I count the women in my life, I see those previous stats clearly. The eleven closest women to me: my mother, her sisters, her mother, my two best friends, my brother's girlfriend, and several of my teachers, were all victims of sexual assault or violence. So when I do that counting off thing to demonstrate the statistics, it's not 1 in 3, 1 in 4, or 1 in 6. It's 11 out 12 (all but me) and I know my circle is not an outlier. I know many other women who say almost every woman close to them has been hurt by a man in some way. They have all been catcalled, “complimented” by strangers, and then molested, raped, stalked, or beat by a man. 
 
If you want to know how to compliment women appropriately, look at how other women compliment them. Hell, I'm attracted to both men and women but I don't comment on people's bodies. I don’t feel entitled to stare and make comments to strangers without reprimand. I might tell a woman how lovely a color looks on her or how I like her new haircut. I might tell a man the same thing but with "handsome". I might tell a woman how striking her business suit is or a man how suave his is. But mostly I don't do that. I mostly compliment them as a person and not their looks, because I know what it is liked to be stared at and for people to make comments, just the mean staring and mean comments instead of the sexual ones. 
 
Please have some empathy and realize how you would feel in this situation, and not when the comments are coming from a good looking woman half your size (who couldn’t overpower you), but from someone you don’t know and couldn’t possibly trust in a dark alley. 
 
Hope this helps. 
 
Kelsey
Eumolpus

the time and energy you put into your comments. Obviously the subject is very personal to you.
After some thought, I have thinking that there are a few aspects to consider.

We live in a somewhat physical world. Physical appearance for women is what Fashion is all about.
Women must be seeking the recognition from men that they have "sex appeal",otherwise why the heels, miniskirts, bikini's,lipstick and all the rest. It is so hard to be a women. Men shave, put on the white shirts and ties, and go to work. Look what the women do! Now they don't have to do all that, but certainly most prefer to do so as part of what may be a cultural phenomenon. In the 18th century men were as women, like the court of Louis IV, men wore wigs,painted their nails and treated themselves with the same vanity. Somehow that was lost. Today at any major event...the Oscars for example, the men all look like penguins in their same tuxedos, but the women are magnificently dressed in revealing and sensual attire.

There are many times times in my life I have seen a very attractive woman dressed and coiffed in extremely sexy attire. There must be deep in their psyche to want to allure men, but in a "look don't touch" way. This is true of married women too. Is there some type of involuntary grand tease involved? But I would have it no other way. I love the idea of womanhood, especially if the alternatives is them all to wear Mao outfits, with no lipsticks, or worse conform the misogyny of religion.

So the poem considers the physical aspect of women. There is no question in my mind, nor should there be in anyone's, that women have equal intellect, ability, and wisdom. But in the passing parade of humanity around me, we connect on the physical level. I sense that part of the current movement sometimes goes overboard. I think it's ok to tell a woman she looks great today without having to call my lawyer. Physical adoration does not assume anything of intelligence.
Throughout history the beauty of women is a constant theme. In the current debate, I have the sense a lot of women are angry about this, as they want to be judged solely on merit. Yet you can't have your cake and eat it. They are not willing to drop the makeup or the earrings. and why should they? They can take joy in being a sexy looking woman if they choose, but should not chastise men for noticing.
I am well aware of men's violence against woman, probably a force going back to primal factors. We have evolved somewhat, but not that much. My sister, a devout Christian, was beaten by her
sick religious zealot of a husband. But for heavens sake most men I know are not like that at all..maybe because they are atheists like me. But the poem is only about the conflict of being a lover of womanhood, and the backlash I sense is growing to the extent that women want any attitudes about their appearance to be mentioned. Too much contradiction.

In the poem I refer to my wife- I chose her, she chose me, and she still gets her eyelashes done. The process of being vain is part of our culture. That I may love my wife does not mean I cannot revel in the differences of men and enjoy "womanhood" in its complex fashions to allure men.That I am allured certainly does not make me a predator or worse.

Perhaps another way to put it is with this poem, not a good one, that I wrote a year ago. It was called the seven deadly sins of modern times. It starts with a quote:

VI: DEGREDATION OF WOMEN
"Every major world religion – without exception – is intensely patriarchal. Every one of them engages in the systematic devaluation of women, in the systematic exclusion of women from positions of authority, and in the systematic oppression and even enslavement of women. I have yet to find a single major religion that bucks this trend." Adam Lee

Praise be unto the lord
For his greatest creations-
The spore and the pollen,
The egg and the sperm,
The female and male,
And the glories of copulation.
For that the birds sing,
For that we make our music,
As every beast mounts the other.
For this and this alone
I make my peace with the lord,
That he giveth to mankind the gift
Of so many options and positions
For such exquisite ecstasies!

The penguin, the lion, the spider
Have their own takes on coupling;
We men and women join
With the goal of completion,
And learn the instinct of love
In a perpetual mating season.

All creatures are part of evolution
This must be the master plan;
And so must change the institutions
That gives the dominance to men.

So long ago did Lysistrata take her shape,
And cause a panic among the armies
Of wild studs proving their worth
Though combat to be denied their rape.
I say let the women paint their lips,
Let there be pas de deux,
And courtship of giving pleasure
Amid the scents of natural lusts!

Where the battlefield where the sexes fit
We will rejoice too in intellect;
Surely by now all men admit
They are not our slaves to cook and knit.

The temple, the mosque, the church
Must abolish this corny caveman myth-
As equals partners in life’s search
Let our unions renew our bliss.

swamp-witch

Mark,

I glad you did not take my comment badly. I just wanted to show you what it feels like on our end. More and more women are dressing for themselves, for the enjoyment of their own body, not for the attention of men or others.

I still don't bye the "can't help but stare when they look the way they do" mentality, because like I said, I don't do it and I'm attracted to women and men. I've taught myself not to do so, and I know many gay women who have also taught themselves not to, and I think many man just don't want to. Being responsible and respectful in this way is difficult when you've been told your whole life that the world is yours for the taking.

Anyway, I hope my comment helps you understand the way it feels when a woman is looked at by someone she doesn't know (scary more often than not), no matter how she's dressed. I appreciate your patience to read my long comment.

Still working on reviewing your ars poetica, give me a few more days!

Kelsey

Eumolpus

The point of our writing is often to invite dialogue.

I do not totally agree with the idea that men and women may be dressing to please themselves. I see us as social creatures, we chose our appearances carefully when in social situations. Whether that is positively or negatively (in protest or defiance), or to carefully just fit in and not be noticed, it is still a conscience decision. If I were to dress to please myself only, which I do in the house, I walk around naked! (blinds drawn)

In a sense, learning how to "look" at that woman who is teasing me on purpose with her nipples visible through her blouse is part of the discussion of the poem. So I hide my eyes liked a spanked dog. But in truth that teasing is perhaps a bit out of line, too. It is unfair for a woman to force me to look away and pretend i didn't notice. When I see just too much bare ass and the entire genitalia over exposed, I often get a bit angry. I have hormones too! Why are you forcing me to have sexual fantasies with you! There should be a some mutual respect in the redefining roles were are taking.
I get it, is perfectly fine to "flaunt it" in the disco or club or the beach...but not on the subway. Does this make me a cabby old man?

swamp-witch

if she's teasing you on purpose? Has she told you? Or did she just make eye contact for one second while standing where she was standing? I'm going to be really blunt and tell you that we don't always know when our nipples are sticking out of our shirts. We also can't control when they do, cold or aroused, or otherwise. Bras are crappy to say the least and women's shirts are made of flimsy material whether we like it or not. Was she just cold, or was she really teasing? If you only took it from silent perceived "signals", what if she wasn't really signalling or what if they weren't signals for you (when it's a stranger; because obviously if it's your wife you're not going to be ashamed. You might blush, but not from shame)?

When I think someone is being polite and smiling/waving/saying hi/even complementing me and then I realize they were talking to the person behind me, yeah, I feel like an idiot and get a bit awkward and shameful-puppy-dog feeling. It seems like the same thing to me. I reacted to signals that weren't for me.

I do understand that we are social creatures and we must choose our clothes every day and part of our choosing involves knowing how we want to be perceived by others. I just mean that more and more women (and men) go out of the house looking sexy just to make themselves happy, not to attract someone. They do know they'll get looks. It's unavoidable. All I want you to take away is that if a woman chastises you in some way when you look, it's not because you were admiring her womanliness and she wants to punish that, its that she became uncomfortable.

Kelsey

Eumolpus

I have never made a woman uncomfortable with either a comment or stare- I'm both too shy and too well bred. That particular scene was in a elevator, an attractive young lady was wearing no bra, a white silk blouse one could see pretty well through, and for an instant I could see her breasts clearly and turned away like a spanked dog. In retrospect, I feel if she was aware of her position than perhaps I should be allowed to get a second look, to satisfy my nature. I felt I was being manipulated.

In closing, the poem is a nostalgia- at one time the love of womanhood, of the way they present their bodies to world- from ancient times to today - men have praised with song and art. Today there is an atmosphere that by doing so we are treating them solely as sexual objects. Men do not view each other in the marketplace as potential partners in wisdom or scientific pursuits. We are capable of many levels of appreciation. One does not deny the other.

Captain

This is great. I had a feeling you were giving a nod to the current cultural atmosphere - so I'm glad I read your comments above and was confirmed. I held a door for a girl the other day and was giving a nasty glare for my efforts. Apparently she didn't need a damn man for that. Actually, lady, I hold the door for everyone! Anyway, I like that this poem is deeper than the surface, just like the descriptions of the feminine it contains. Very balanced formatting too...I cant seem to write in an orderly way like that.
Best
Captain

S

I worry that this movement might go Too far. It's great that those who abuse and coerce women are being publicly identified. But I have seen a Lot of things which started well then went too far. Will the day come when men will be too afraid to flirt with women? how sad that would be.
Now to the poem :
As did the oils found in an ancient tomb
Once adorn a woman with sweet fragrance,
Or the minted breath and powdered cheek?

Sounds a bit off to me....Maybe something like
As did oils found in some ancient tomb
once enfold a woman with sweet fragrance

Just an idea for this timely poem