Roaring like an angry lion
Fearless like a beast
Keeping high their morale
With their nations' flag hoisted high in the air
Fighting in the face of death
For their nations' destiny lies in their hands
Through tide and wind
Thick and thin
Hunger and thirst
Battles were won
And the enemies were conquered
The victor packs the spoil
And the defeated retreat in shame
But the soldiers suffers the most
Many died on the battle field
Leaving behind families and kids
Many became captives of war
Tortured and forced into slavery
Many got their hands and legs mutilated
Living as an incomplete human beings
Many died of diseases
All for the sake of their nation
Soldiers of war
Fighting to the core
Both home and abroad
Experiencing horror and terror
Comments
Hello Inky,
I'm not sure what this poem had to do with the November contest, there are no images of trees without leaves in the poem, but I do appreciate its message very much. A popular video game series, called Fallout, begins each game with the mantra: "War. War Never Changes." That is so true and so difficult to accept. Anywhere you go in the world, any time in past or present, war is just like you have described in the poem.
If I could make a suggestion, it would be to add on a little to the end of the poem. I think you have painted the picture of war very clearly, but I would like you to conclude with something more. Why does it matter that war is the way that it is? Should we change, or do you agree that this is the way it has to be? Consider adding some answers to those questions if you feel so inclined.
Also, I think your language use is strong, and I would like to make a few small suggestions to make it stronger:
On these stanzas where you start with "Many", I think the following nouns need to match "many". "Many" is an adjective that represents more than one thing, or as a noun to represent multiple things, but afterward you connect it to a singular noun.
Many became captive of wars --> Many became captives of war (add "s" to make captive plural so it better matches "many")
Many got their hand and leg mutilated --> Many got their hands and legs mutilated (add "s" to hands and legs to make them plural to better match)
Living as an incomplete human being - Living as incomplete human beings (same thing)
I hope this helps and I hope you don't mind the suggestions. Please feel free to disregard my comment if you do not wish to make any revisions.
Looking forward to more of your writing,
Kelsey
Hello Swamp,
Thank you very much, I really appreciate.