How in pale I wonder,
These beloved trees,
Once dressed in green glamour and glitz
flapping majestically its apparel
a seasonal blessing of nature
why not ask the birds its prominence
an abode of leisure and fresh air.
when will thou recuperate from this disgrace?
this nudity of time,
oh, a brutal rape of shame
the birds longed for you again
I'll tell them when you return.
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft
Comments
I can't really remember
I can't really remember reading any of your poems beautifully crafted as this.Nice piece,well done Chiori.
very nice
good imagery
Chiori,
A well-crafted contribution to the contest! I love the word choices and images.
Good luck with the contest,
Kelsey
greetings
An enjoyable short poem . The last line Really makes this poem. good luck in contest.......stan
YES
AND CONGRATS FOR AN HM
I TOO EARNED ONCE
MY HEART NEARLY BURST
THEY know it will
so I Never ever in life
have ever come FIRST
SECOND FROM FRONT
ALWAYS
LAST BUT ONE
IN MARATHON
Congratulations on close runner up
for the November contest!
Thank you Jess
I would like to be enlightened about the close runner up
Chiori, it is with regret that I critique little and write less
I'm better at helping others than I am at writing my own work and it gives me great pleasure to help a poet grow. I've just been though a long cycle of depression and eagerly look forward to an 'up' cycle of benefitial feedback to others and someof my mothrr]sr of my groem feednsch mosrer.
I've cried, I've hr;o sr gtomr
"someof my mothrr]sr of my groem feednsch mosrer.
I've cried, I've hr;o sr gtomr"
I have no idea what that means. I have been partying for four days at a Mushaira with pretty poets, angels and various illegal substances, celebrating my 60th birthday.
My motto is from the Japanese TV series "Monkey"- The nature of Jess is irrepressible.
I always come back.