Sonnet 1

Careful was I when I took my way
The incident which brought me to his eye
The eyes that leads to deceit of destruction,
The groan of an innocent heart,
That to warning she ignored.
My heart panted, fearfulness affrighted me,
The night of my pleasure.
The pleasure night hath he turned into fear unto me.
For valve was lost.
The error of the night, the pleasure
That ends with the night
For crime was it to love.
Think of thou offspring yet to come my friend,
And let your child says, false life you lived.

About This Poem

Style/Type: Structured: Western

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
[This option has been removed]

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Country/Region: Lagos Nigeria

Favorite Poets: shakespear

Comments

nice one

it sounds like you were attracted to someone and finally fallen in love with him.
well, if i did guess it correct then that's fine,i like the way it goes nice one.

thanks

"What Crime Was It To Love" (Excellent Verse)

Keep love in your hearts I know that times are hard. People are out of work and get hurt by negativity. See grace strengthens one's heart. A pessimistic spirit hinders or in some cases takes your joy away. love should be the very essence of one's inner existence learn to shun its resistance at every circumstance. learn to take part in the dance of love. love for your neighbor even if there a bit grumpy after all were only human people have there moments. Become a beacon of light to a hurting world in great need of love. Lift up your voice never be a coward sitting in the corner alone. Only one life is soon to be passed only what's done for love's sake will last !

thanks you sir

your poem

has some very good lines, tells a good tale of love and betrayal.
My suggestion is for you to trust more in your natural language. It is a fault of most budding poets to be over poetic, putting in archaic grammar (Careful was I when I took my way, as opposed to I was careful when I took my way) and using thee's and thous. The poem is not a sonnet, which is a very specific form of line count and rhymes. Its ok to repeat words like pleasure and night, but there are other ways of saying these words without repeating them.
There is a poet in you. Shakespeare and Raleigh are great, but read the poems written on the walls of today- your home, your life, your language. Forget all your assumptions about poetry. You are here a stranger in a strange land in 2018. Let it flow.