Falcon fall.

Attached to nothing,
how could I swoop on earth
unobserved?
Then tilt and invert it's sod,
air furrow through
the olive groves,
finding ploughed space,
to fly above and out
and beyond any scurrying
mind below.

Then to, skirt and court
my azure bowl,
pledge one allegiance;
one alliance:
to simple indifferent gravity,
fate, instinct, and joy.

This has no word,
It just falls,
to the wingless,
through the mind
of a sky.

Then, to the earth,
that is astonished,
and revived,
In a second’s swerve,
the wind of a wing's near miss,
and the act of waking,

About This Poem

Last Few Words: I watched a falcons eye view of some Greek Islands recently, and was very struck. I haven't posted anything much lately. Moving, moving, lack of internet, all various excuces..! I hope to be settled very soon, and start posting again.Like the falcon in the poem, I should be back down to earth soon, I hope. And then fly again.

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Tasmania,Australia,Earth,Solar Systems,Milky way,Pint of Guniess, AUS

Favorite Poets: Glen Richards

Comments

welcome back

once you have muse, it's like riding a bike, you just get on and go. This is a nice poem about flight,
something we all dream about.

For me, drop the first 4 lines. We see the falcon, not the wings. The reader will pause at 200mph to consider that and you don't want anything to pause the reader. "Freedom attached to nothing" is too abstract, why does freedom have to be attached to anything? So I would start it like this, the reader is drawn right into the poem, not distracted. we know the poem is about the falcon from the title.

Attached to nothing
How it would be to swoop
Unobserved
To tilt and invert the earth
To career through
Olive groves
To fly above and out
And beyond any mind
Imaginable.

The second stanza has some awkward spots

To ascend the huge
Azure bowl (an interesting image, but bowl is very concrete ..perhaps sphere?)
To pledge your allegiance
To nothing but
Fate, instinct, and joy (these 3 are in conflict with each other, I would drop and pledge to "that
That has no word which has no words" or like that)
But just falls,
Through the mind (the most powerful image in the poem)
Of the sky,
To the earth,
And is astonished,
And revived,
In a second’s swerve. (nice end!)

Thanks Eumo good comments.

Re-worked thus. It's a bit awkward at the mo' - as I am living in an old "Hermitage/apple shed" in a transitional stage of, well, everything, and writing/commenting etc. all a little hard at the moment, with merely a bulb and not much internet. I exaggerate of course, if only a little,. I will return, and keep returning, and hope to be in a more permanent domicile soon!

Many thanks. Hope you like the nature inspired re-writes (from a beautiful valley) all my worldly goods, your great gifts of reading material, and that slowly accumulating pile came with me. All - shall soon be resolved.

Thanks.

Chris.