Why aren't you
Put in a box
Titled fragile
Handle With Care
You have been broken
so many times
I don't see the point
In extended warranty
You have loved
Raced through red lights
Broken time and time again
Still you carry out your task
With no complaint
Loyal to a fault
You don't question the mission
Like a soldier in battle
In your private quarters
how many tears have fallen
How many times did you
Question your existence
I know, who would listen?
What's the point right?
Why waste the breath?
You've been in so many battles
Still no metals or words of praise
Unphased you carry on beating
Day in and day out
Hoping you won't have to
Endure another panic attack
Still you stick to the mission
You probably have some questions
For the master you serve
Words you wouldn't dare say
Maybe I should worry less
Or not take everything seriously?
Believe me heart
I do agree with your words
I want to apologize
For all I put you through
I know you probably would say
Don't mention it it's part of the job
I won't lie, there are nights
I wish I had quite the task
Instead my job is to carry on
Ignore every “won't you calm down”
Or the rare “ its all in your head”
How about the “do you want attention?”
Heart, I do a lot of ignoring too
Still I envy your tenacity
The unending stream of Hope
The optimistic rear view mirror
You are a rare breed
Old beating heart
Dont ever
Loose your empathy
Comments
very very gutsy poem
From the soul of a poet, a special kind of confessional poem. I think the poem works best when in the poetic universe of images and metaphor (box, warranty, soldier, racing through red lights..
I know, who would listen?
What's the point right?
Why waste the breath?
or
Hoping you won't have to
Endure another panic attack
Still you stick to the mission
is too prosy, conversational for me, and detracts from the poetic mission of the poem and the lovely "optimistic rear view mirror". As you may have noticed I always call out people over hiding in the poem, and not giving the reader enough meat with the potatoes as far as "comprehending" the poem. Similarly i think too much prosaic information diminishes the total effect. So i think this is a very stimulating work, reeks of honesty and compassion, but might be shortened a bit to let the magic of the images work.
Liking it...
and aware that sometimes that the prosaic embellishments are necessary. You can't always find the words that make it just right, but they have to be said. Can't say that I don't agree with Eumolpus, that it could be done without them, but would it still express the need to say that you want to be heard? Would the flutter of the heart be any less alarming? ~ Gee.
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Honest poem.
I don't think it's too prosy at all, but then I've been reading (and writing) a lot of fairly 'prosy' type stuff, so am a bit engulfed in that particular style.
No crit, I enjoyed it.
Jx
Hi Paul
"quite " the task? I reckon you mean quit. I think this is the first time I've read a poem apologizing to one's heart and I agree with the need to do so. I've actually thought about a poem in which I bemoan my carelessness for getting cut and thus condemning countless blood cells to certain death. I like the poem........stan
Reevaluating...
times [have] you
Question[ed]
Still no [medals]
Un[fazed]
I had [quit] the task
When the heart speaks, put it in quotation marks.
Things to look at, of course it is yours and do what you feel is right for you.
~ Geez.
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