sewie smalls
sewie smalls
Oct 06, 2017

Burn

He said she was fierce
Too intense, too deep
As if that was a bad thing
As if it was her fault
Why ignite fire
when you can't dance with her flames?
You didn't know?
That she is the sun
Why come closer if you had no intention to burn?

About This Poem

Last Few Words: Because we often say the words " I love you" without fully understanding what the other person is about

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Direction: How was my language use?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - draft

About the Author

Region, Country: nigeria, NGA

Favorite Poets: rupi kaur

More from this author

Comments

sewie smalls

I'm glad you like it, thanks for sharing your views, I will surely take them into consideration..

Geezer

This is really good! I wish that you had left off the last line, but if you really must have one, remember that when one enters a relationship, that they are not looking to get burned, but get warm, maybe even heated, but not burned. Unless they are masochists. If you must ask the question, [why are you stupid]? Ask instead, if they didn't expect to get burned? There is a difference. I like the theme, the pattern and the logic runs smoothly, right up until the end. ~ Geezer.
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sewie smalls

For your honest opinion..
When I said "burn" I meant "to have deep feelings" not mediocre love that stays on the surface

Geezer

what you mean now that you have explained it. ~ Geezer.
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Ja Ja

Ja Ja

7 years 6 months ago

Why play with fire if you don't want to get burned
Then find you get scared and so are spurned
Life is full of chances to be won and lost
The only question is, will you pay the cost

Nicely thought out poem, thank you

Simon

Simon

7 years 6 months ago

Nice poem, i think some men don't truly have real love intention to their female partners, just pretending their do, whereas, not knowing how much love the other already have.