Osadolor Osayande
Osadolor Osayande
Sep 14, 2017

Salt of sea

The scent of breeze
salty and dampening
wakes me up from myself
and my heart gasps to meet
the sand of shore rubbed on my
bare back. It is the cure
of life taking not stealing
away your bed.
Two hours, that's all it
takes to know the blue before
you isn't the floor of your
girl's boudoir. If life must
make any sense a minute after
your realisation, you must
wade into the nifty shore and
mend the night taken away.
Wave after wave, you would
find it running back with arms
to clean away the sands of
the sea shore.
your tears would tease the
salt of sea.

About This Poem

Last Few Words: Thanks for this wonderful platform. I would honestly appreciate all forms of reviews.

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Not actively editing

About the Author

Region, Country: Nigeria, Port Harcourt, NGA

Favorite Poets: Maya Angelou

More from this author

Comments

themoonman

Welcome to the site! An enjoyable
first submission, thank you for sharing
with us.
The only critique I could make here is
to focus on the music, have whole thoughts
on the same line, as much as you can.
example;
Two hours, that's all it
takes to know the blue before
you isn't the floor of your
girls boudoir.

Same words;
Two hours, that's all it takes
to know the blue before you
isn't the floor
of your girls boudoir

I do believe that is the way you've
intended the reader to read it, if you
use punctuation, line manipulation
and spaces you can more closely
ensure your poem to be read the
way you intend it.

thanks for sharing, really liked the poem.

Sparrow

This your first write with us is very good, just the points of making it more readable by having breaks, the story flows in one lump.
Separate the piece into a few Stanzas, I haven't time at the moment or I would show you, but have a read of the others pieces and see how they lay them out.
Hope to read more of your stories later,
Yours Ian..

lovedly

two best poets have given wise comments
it so happens
my eyes too fell on the same lines
as moon man's
he is a wonder poet
all know it
but how I'd put it
would be barely different
to moon man's
being a free stylist

Two hours, that's all it
takes to know the blue before
you isn't the floor of your
girl's boudoir.

Two hours,
that's all it
takes to know
the blue
before
you,
isn't the floor
of your
girl's boudoir.

Just try reading it loudly
I am totally deaf now!