vandiemenspeak
vandiemenspeak
Aug 13, 2017

The river snake dreaming

A ladder to the giant moon,
the shape and sheen of silver plate

A strange, mistaken creature lurks,
under a tree warped by night's make

And looks on at the river bow,
Mercurial, creeping midnight snake

What an inspired thing to take,
out of this shimmering earth?

How many times did I pass you by
as I flew into night for sleep?

Snake meanders now, below, and I
see the fog melting lights of

Your bus, as it makes it's way
slow, following the sacred scale

The silvery note that the great
beast keeps, it's a whisltle misheard,
you know.

And now I look on at the river bow,
mercurial, creeping midnight snake

Weaving through painted constellations,
of charcoal powdered blackened space

That layered meniscus, smooth as lake,
holds stars a billion-fold with care,

Picked out in paint, and set in place,
for snake to follow,from this earth on

To silent, glowing, sacred place,
the final lifebound destination,

Is the sea, the sea, in shimmering
swell and stellar staions held,

Reflecting all we dream, of space,
and holding all we know below.

About This Poem

Last Few Words: This is an interpretation of the river Derwent in Tasmania, from above on a moonlit night. See: http://www.tmag.tas.gov.au/whats_on/exhibitions/current_upcoming/2015/the_derwent for some stunning pictures. The snake, holds a very special place in Aboriginal culture, and I stress, and make clear , my intention to make no other reference here than a respectful mention of it's place in this land, which is sacred ground now, lost to it's people, and humbly request forgiveness for any misinterpretation of the snake image. It is only used as an image of the river, snaking out of the night land, lit by moon.

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How does this theme appeal to you?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Tasmania,Australia,Earth,Solar Systems,Milky way,Pint of Guniess, AUS

Favorite Poets: Glen Richards

More from this author

Comments

S

I tried reading this all the way through even though I can't for the life of me understand what you're trying to say in the 4th line and I couldn't concentrate on the rest of this image laden poem because I kept trying to interpret that one line at the beginning lol. Must be getting either old or sleepy......stan

vandiemenspeak

And a forced rhyme while I'm working on it Stan. Night's work, nights make, water distorting the shape of things beneath. I sometimes do get into warping the language a little bit beyond the pale. It is in draft, and will be worked on (not abandoned this time) - try and imagine a moonlit river, viewed from above, from a plane, a little bus is winding it's way along the river, it's lights are eating away the fog, inside the bus is someone cherished.
That's the back story!

Cheers.

Chris.

S

It can be a real pain trying to write unforced rhyme. One option is to change the line you are trying to rhyme with in order to make the line under question easier to understand. I find myself doing this quite often. Or you might try something like "beneath a tree bent for mom's sake". just some ideas to maybe help out a bit...........stan