I, unsteady, walk a hardwood ridge
in a cool early autumn wind
which has helped decreasing sunlight
begin to paint worn summer leaves.
As has become reality these days
I am alone while on this trek
as I search and slowly scout
for coming season among other things.
For a moment a retreating cloud,
a last remnant of past night's rain,
darkens both the woods and mood
soon it releases the sun
but not my brood.
Where went byegone hunt companions?
Where went tireless legs?
Where went the trackless forest lands?
Where went the years? my darkness begs.
I sigh and sit upon a log
for knees remind me now of pain
after a mere fifty yard slog.
They and heart beat a refrain.
I come alert from a near doze
and see an ancient buck staring at me
then with a twitch of his grey nose
he decides to bolt and let me be.
I smile at his strength and his long bound
shade my eyes from the setting sun's glow.
Next year will we both still be around ?
With shrug I slowly rise and go.
Comments
well depicted as usual
Does the line before the last read better as
Next year who will come to this place? (maybe)
Just a suggestion to shorten that line.
Hi Rula
That line Does need work. Trying to convey the uncertainty of whether the buck or old guy will make it to return and still maintain rhyme and brevity is a toughie. Your suggestion is good but it includes almost anybody within the question doesn't it?............stan
how i wish i was
on a holiday with you
walking the lonely forest path
as we both knock kneed our way passed
slowly first then fast
ere the sun fell half mast
lovely poetry well at last!
Hi
It would be good to have you beside me to share these places with. Nice of you to dig this poem out for a read...........stan
hi stan
u compose
I scribble
can we adopt
different names
then some may read me too
seven unread
why compose more
i ain't quite sure
they admire those
who have a poetic lure
such as urs
Loved's only a freestyle
weather all!!!!
AFTER ALL
THE RAIN DOES FALL
Hi loved
Commentary seems to be picking up a bit so I expect your stuff will get attention shortly. This poem is an attempt to mix free verse and rhyming poetry in the manner in which I think poetry is heading. Thanks for the visit......stan
k stan
ok STAN
NEO MAN
your poem
You, the subject of the poem, is walking in the end of the fullness of summer into the fall, seeing signs, and alluding to death and aging. The symbolism is immediate. I would perhaps consider developing the horse to be a symbol of death, as he is the the only real figure accompanying you on this nature walk. He is ancient and strong enough to "bolt" and his long "bound" shades you from the sun. Bound here is used as a noun, which I cannot find a proper meaning with. He decides to let you be, but you wonder if he will not be so kind next year. Just a simple word or image could allude to the horse as this symbol...Just a thought to make the action in the poem bigger than itself into a more symbolic universe. I hope my commentary is not too presumptive.
nothing wrong with offering advice.
that's what we're here for lol. but you misread or misunderstood. "buck" is a white tail deer not a horse. I thought that was fairly clear. Appreciate the visit and feed back......stan
yes that would change things
Where I grew up we just referred to deer as all deer, although I have known buck is used in the country...my first take was the horse because that's what we called horses in Queens.
I still feel the animal could be a symbol- nature, youth, regeneration...I think it needs a larger purpose to be in the poem rather than your shared common mortality. Anyway, that was my take...
if
you think a bit about the buck he is the lost youth during which time the old man was still sleek and strong
Nobody has notice this is a morphing poem
which is a good think lol
Hi Alan
Welcome to neopoet. The reason this oldie showed back up was a couple of edits. So you know that I'm not averse to changes lol. I'll keep your suggestions in mind next time I tweak this one. And I'm very pleased you consider the idea of copying this to read later