Lord, don't let me die on the toilet,
I would much rather die on a bus.
As the thought of me sat with my pants down,
drives me mad just to think of the fuss.
But the thought of me off while I'm sleeping,
seems a much more acceptable plan.
Though I'll have to start wearing pajamas
and be a much more respectable man.
Last Few Words: This is the little poem that I have chosen to put my toe into the neopoet pool of words. When I have seen /read what happens to this one perhaps I'll risk something a bit longer.
Review Request Direction: Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Dennis
what risk? Just a bunch of other people, spouting, or opining, blabbing or whining, saying things about each other and their poems.
go for it...post away... join the fray ...come and play
most of us are kind and gentle ....just enjoying poems and poets;
though occasionally some rough and tumble does occur...so far no one has been seriously hurt!
So, welcome
I liked the light-hearted nature of your poem.
carry on,
Reply
Thanks Al, that makes me feel a lot more comfortable. I've heard that life on some websites can be a bit strange, so here I am treading carefully.
I am off in a couple of weeks to a maybe cousin of yours in concert - Dean Friedman is playing in Inverness and I've been a fan for donkey's years.
Take care and thanks for your kind words.
Best, Dennis
This is...
quite the cute little limerick. I agree with Al, we are just a bunch of people that are working to hone our craft, enjoying the poems and having a good deal of fun. We have workshops and contests and
make friends and... and... well, if you stick around, you will see that we are not a bad sort at all.
Welcome to Neo. and I hope to see more from you in the near future. ~ Geezer.
.
Cheers Geezer
Many thanks for the kind words - I look forward to sharing more of my stuff, though this one must be the nearest thing to a limerick I've ever written. Catch you later I hope.
Best, Dennis
with all the concerns
in the world, I hear ya.
However, as you probably know, when most people die the intestines empty out anyway...
It's a loose loose situation
Welcome to Neopoet
An interesting little prayer Dennis for who doesn't wish to die in a respectable situation? I imagine anyone can relate to your words.
Thank you for sharing.
Rula the World
Thank you for taking the time to drop me a few encouraging words - I look forward to getting to know everybody else's works and what makes life tick in Neoland.
Best, Dennis
Hi Dennis
Interesting theme; you frame it nicely.
Greeting Barbara
Thank you for your words of direction - you are so right, though my fear of being healed (resuscitated) whilst sat on the loo, is slightly worse than being found dead. I think!!! So being as collaborative as I can - I shall always leave the toilet door unlocked from this day onward.
I look forward to reading your works.
Best, Dennis
Well it looks like another
Well it looks like another wet day, here in downtown Invergarry - my only decision is to try and decide which poem to upload next and find out how I get to read other folks works........I love a new website and the challenges they can bring.
Dennis
Welcome to Neopoet, your write made me smile in one way and see a truth in another, we cannot pick the time and place we fall over, in death it is for others to adjust to we end up with no choice.
Great sort of fun write am waiting to see when you become serious ??
Yours, Ian..
Job done..
Hi Ian a smile is always my goal - the message in a poem is merely the carrier.
Keep up the good work.
best, Dennis
You'd be in esteemed company
If you died on the toilet.
Catherine the Great did.
Probably a less messy outcome for the inevitable. Lol
Fun poem, enjoyed it. Jxx
You'd be in esteemed company
Enjoyed it so much, posted twice.
Jx
Dennis The Great
Well, me and old Catherine huh, Great. Not the picture I had in my head of her, but there we go.
So, by any chance is this a workshop site? If so, how the hell does a new boy find all these poems to read and critique all over?
Yes this is a workshop site
All the poems you see in the stream are submissions by poets like yourself. These are the poems to be worked on, so critique and feedback is important from those that read.
Pretty much as your poem illustrates.
We do have specific workshops too from time to time.
Jx
Welcome
draw up a pew and sit down. As a fellow Scot (Harthill, originally from Leith) I say hing aboot as a weel kent gadje.