Random Haiku

Rain has drowned me
While standing by my mother's grave,
it is Mother's Day.

About This Poem

Style/Type: Structured: Eastern

Review Request Direction: How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: United States, USA

Favorite Poets: Billy Collins

Comments

nice

I will nit pick a little for my own sake

rain falls upon me
while standing by mama's grave
it is mother's day

it is always your choice as to how to respond to a critique
I am not a syllable counter myself,, but most are at first.
repeating words in a piece so short is not ideal

thank you for the haiku... I like haiku

regards,

from Al's excellent suggestion, may i say
Rain falls upon me
well, that's what rain does, it falls.
How about something more intimate?
Rain washes over me
or
Rain soaks into me
or anything else that makes it more your own.

Thanks, I'll keep that in

Thanks, I'll keep that in mind