My Cousins Baby

Now my cousin had a baby, about a year ago or so.
And we saw him first on Facebook, far before they let us know.
Such a handsome little chappy; yet another lost relation,
But we went down south to visit, as we forced an invitation.

“Oh, isn't he lovely” they said as they peeked,
“Isn't he gorgeous - all round and red-cheeked.”
They looked and they smiled, “What a well-filled-out child.”
Some laughed and some roared and some shrieked.

There sat the baby like a pink piggy jelly.
There, but for eyes, sat a big pleated belly.
His arms and his legs must go two-hundred pound,
And that’s only part of the huge flabby mound.

“Oh, we can't stop him eating,” said his mother, Irene.
“And just quelling the flow makes us feel rather mean.
We know that he's growing; it can't be denied,
And he's partial to dog food, so they're fed outside.

Well, thanks for his present; he was ever so pleased.
And the girl down at Mothercare (first name Louise),
She’s like one of the family; she's really first-class
At exchanging us things that will cover his arse.”