Infant Sorrow (submitted by Rula)
My mother groaned, my father wept:
Into the dangerous world I leapt,
Helpless, naked, piping loud,
Like a fiend hid in a cloud.
Struggling in my father's hands,
Striving against my swaddling-band
Bound and weary, I thought best
To sulk upon my mother's breast.
stripped version :
Mother groaned, father wept
into the world I lept
Struggling in hands
striving
I thought best
to sulk
Comments
Hello Stan
I am not sure I am getting the idea of stripping the poem from imagery. If I am to strip this poem I won't keep words like wept, lept and groaned. Yes they are verbs but they show much as I see it. What do you think?
Hi Rula
I am trying to strip as much as I can but still leave enough so that a later reader can still get the gist of the poem. I might have given better instructions
Hi Rula
I am trying to strip as much as I can but still leave enough so that a later reader can still get the gist of the poem. I might have given better instructions
That's more like it.
Most of the stripped poems I have read are full of imagery. Yours is not. You truly ruined the poem without losing its meaning. Well done on the exercise. you did it.
Hi Wes
There a thin line between stripping everything which remotely could be considered imagery and trying to keep enough of the poem to still have its bones
I was just
trying to understand how much imagery we should strip. Now I get it.
Thank you.
The
Reason for trying to maintain the meaning of the poem when stripped will become evident later on
I have only one mssion now on Neopoet.
To get a smile or laugh out of Wesley.
Better still, for you to say something funny, Wes.
OK
Why did ant crawl up the cow's back leg twice? Because he got pissed off the first time......that work?
I will confess...
that I don't any longer seem to have a sense of humor.
You keep trying Jess. I would love to laugh again.
I smile sometimes.
Good joke Stan.
My favourite-
Did you hear about the dyslectic, agnostic, insomniac?
He lies awake in bed at night wondering if there is a dog.