Churchill
Heaps of scrap piled high
Crumbling down
in the corners
Of everyone
All hands holding on
to single threads
He saw it clearly
And wove a tapestry
For duty
For lack of anyone
Despite his own battles
Distant dark shores
With words to endure
He said it would be okay
So it would be
So it was
The hurricane
not left to chance
By some butterfly
A prayer, a dance
Comments
Captain
A too short a write on such a man, but a portrait none the less.
A little known fact about the great man:-
He was a POW in Sth Africa where I believe he was a correspondent for a newspaper, he escaped by swimming the Vaal river and from there returned to the UK, where the rest is published history..
I would have loved to sit and talk to him but we were worlds apart and I was only 23 when he died.
I look forward to reading more of your works,
Yours Ian..
http://www.encounter.co.za/article/23.html
thanks
yes, too short to do him any justice. I was just looking to get to the essence of his role in WW2...the hope he inspired...getting people to believe, etc. I agree with you about having a conversation with him - hes always the guy I mention when asked who is the one person in history I'd like to chat with is.
Cheers,
K
OOPS!
Very good write and subject. Sorry to say the entry is too late for the June contest. Contests always end about three days before the end of each month so the judge has a bit of time in making his/her decision. I hope you will be entering future contests.............stan (contest director)
no problem.
This was fun for me anyway. I really wasn't looking to win or anything. I actually wrote it a few weeks ago and then went on vacation, so my bad. Thanks for the compliment!
K
Did you know
He was a prolific author writing several large/detailed history works among other things.
Thank you! Ill look into that
Thank you! Ill look into that. I've only read books about him, none by him.
Your poem
I the reader am left with a little itch after reading this. I am scratching it, but this one I fear I'm quite getting. As a yank which of course knows of the well deserved sainthood of Churchill, I'm still not as close as the other commentators on the other side of the pond.
Firstly on the technical The poem is easy to read, has two comas and one period..i would just say I personally prefer all or nothing, but not sometimes. Punctuation is one of our tools as Snow once brought out, and I now agree. But to half use it i think is less effective.
I was able to connect to an inner logic in the first 4 stanzas, and the then the last asks me to put a lot together. It introduces Nature, and asks the reader to connect butterfly prayer and dance, all not previously felt (other than perhaps "prayer")
I couldn't get there with what I had previously read. They are 3 unique images to put together, so they leave me with that itch to know more.
Thank you for your thoughtful
Thank you for your thoughtful analysis. The punctuation was just carelessness. I agree, it should be all or nothing. In cases where I think punctuation should be used as a tool, to break pace, etc. I still struggle immensely, but in this case I just overlooked it…I will take it out. Agreed. As far as the last stanza, well it’s sort of a summary of what got me thinking about this poem in the first place, that is, what really makes someone stand out as a true changer of history. After all, we all change history, in our own way, in ways we can’t even see – much like the old analogy of how a butterfly flapping its wings in China can lead to a hurricane on the other side of the world. But we never know the butterfly. The true leaders, move with intent, they see clearly and move purposely to forge the world back to its rightful place. They don’t wish it so, or hope it all works out. I guess it’s a stretch indeed, to expect the reader to get where I was headed there. I suppose this entire stanza should be scrapped, but I like how it sounded, and I guess I’m always balancing whether to aim to be understood or to express myself…to myself, and hope by doing so something authentic comes out.
Thanks again Eumolpus.
K
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Yes, I very much understand...
Not infrequently i write a line,image or stanza that I just have a gut love with. I like the way it sounds, i like the way it feels. I leave it there and work around it, i try to get a way to get the rest of the poem to accept this particular image and justify it. Sometimes it sets you off course and you loose track of the central theme of the poem. But most often I leave it for a while, knowing it has a vagueness that I feel but that has something that you just "like"...more often after working with it a few days, or longer, i am able to cut it or change it, sometimes just a single word will do it. It takes courage to accept that to make a better poem you have to abandon or change this particular image/line etc to get a better poem.
It wasn't probably only the sound of the last stanza you liked, it was the "feeling" that the words connected to you, (as you explained the dragonfly and that Bradbury I think it was, the story about the smallest event in the past will drastically alter the future, even a dragonfly...)
So i think this is just part of our craft, like a painter or composer tweaking his work when he can come fresh to it, and not so emotionally attached to certain passages. When the time is right...
Great Advice!
Yes, maybe its better just to remove a passage isn't quiet right and use it for the basis of a new poem. Also, I am familiar with the Bradury dragonfly analogy - where he goes back in time, etc. What got me thinking about this was the Butterfly Effect from Choas theory. Doesnt batter whatsoever - exaclty the same thing - I just didnt want you to think I was crazy. lol.
Way too bad...
that this wasn't posted before the end of the contest! It definitely would have had my vote.
Very nice portrait of the man, the legend. ~ Geezer.
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thank you sir! I appreciate
thank you sir! I appreciate that!