Moss grows in damp dark
Split tree leaves
Reveal a long lost scent
Of what I've learnt was Sassafras
Glorious
The water flows
Floating memories away
Bubbling down the brook
Cascades
Moss grows in damp dark
Split tree leaves
Reveal a long lost scent
Of what I've learnt was Sassafras
Glorious
The water flows
Floating memories away
Bubbling down the brook
Cascades
Last Few Words: Sassafras is a sweet smelling spring flowering tree from Southern Australia.... Very clunky words I know...
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Not "clunky" at all.
All this poem needs is a little punctuation to clarify a separation in thoughts.
My PM mentioned Stan's workshop on Imagery in Poetry. I hope you will consider it. Your poem is full of the sort of imagery the shop will be talking about.
No word is "clunky" if it enhances the poem. Your description of Sassafras is the poem.
Thanks Mr Snow
Thanks Mr Snow
I ll check out the workshop in imagery.....
Thanks!
hello...
and welcome to Neopoet!
I much enjoyed your poem, such lovely imagery!! I hope to read more of your work soon.
always, Cat
Thanks Cat!
Thanks Cat!
Its such a great site. I've never done anything like this before. People here on neopoet are grand!
Clunky?
Listen.
https://soundcloud.com/neopoet/memories-afloat-by-scatterhatter
Nothing clunky about it.
Are you an Aussie? Please fill out your profile a bit more so we can get to know you better.