Woman, I have loved you since before the World began
and I shall never leave you, nay not even if I can.
I learned your name long ere the Sun and silver Moon arose.
No spirit walked the Earth alone before ‘twas you I chose.
The Music of the vast blue seas was silent when I saw
compassion in your hazel eyes that held me rapt in awe.
Your grace and beauty first perceived renew each moment since.
Your every move, unspoken word does all of this evince.
Ere long I’ll hear no melody that owes its glory to
the Music in your soul that gains all harmony of you,
but long the World shall wait upon that instant at The End
when all you are is realized as She the songs transcend.
If I could cause you comprehend that blesséd force you are,
my spirit would not have a need; my heart would bear no scar.
For only with your love and peace is my bleak soul complete.
Thus close beside you I remain until such God we meet.
Jun 10, 2017
Glenda
About This Poem
Last Few Words: This is in reference to the end of my Ottava Rima. This is she who saved me. Without her I would surely be gone.
Style/Type: Structured: Western
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft
Comments
Wesley,
this declaration of love in your first quatrain sounds almost Wagnerian in intensity. Reminds me of Siegmund and Sieglinde's love duet from The Walkure. No critique from me; you are the poet. (Yes, I am an opera buff, lol.)
Ali
An opera buff huh?
I love Wagner and a "good" soprano, but she has to be good. Maria Callas and Sarah Brightman do it for me. Thanks for the good words.
This is a song
that each woman wishes to hear from her man.
I love it. It shines with love.
Have you ever said that you don't know how to express your emotions in words????
Now I envy Glenda. I do :)
I am glad you read this.
It is an answer to the last stanza in my Ottava Rima.
I miss you.
L'union libre
What a beautiful work. I urge you to look up Andre Breton ma femme. Or l'union libre. Good traslations available
Great and well crafted images, meter and emotion.
A lucky lady indeed
I will look,
but time is hard. I don't get to read much. It's hard enough making it here.
Oddly...
Her father's name is Glenn, they wanted a boy, so...
Thank you for reading. I thought this would be overlooked.
Awwww.....
Awwww.....
That is so, so sweet.
Sweet yes,
but... critique it. What do you find that works and what doesn't? We have a saying here:
Don't comment, critique. NeoPoet is a workshop environment.
Critique the poem. Think like a poet, for you are one.
I do not know much about the
I do not know much about the technical aspects of poetry, but your meter seems to flow smoothly.
It is the logical aspects that keep throwing me off.
you loved her before the world begin. OK, I can fit that in as being poetical; but this 'not even if I can' requires a lot of thought, and I must admit I came up with too many scenarios.
Woman, I have loved you since before the World began
and I shall never leave you, nay not even if I can.
I learned your name long ere the Sun and silver Moon arose.
No spirit walked the Earth alone before ‘twas you I chose.
The Music of the vast blue seas was silent when I saw
compassion in your hazel eyes that held me rapt in awe.
(Since this love was devined before the world existed is seems to speak of a spiritual destiny.)
Your grace and beauty first perceived renew each moment since.
Your every move, unspoken word does all of this evince.
(it seems here the concrete world has become a fact)
Ere long I’ll hear no melody that owes its glory to
the Music in your soul that gains all harmony of you,
but long the World shall wait upon that instant at The End
when all you are is realized as She the songs transcend.
(it seems here that the world has replaced the spiritual state and you must wait 'ere long' till the world returns to that spiritual state)
If I could cause you comprehend that blesséd force you are,
my spirit would not have a need; my heart would bear no scar.
For only with your love and peace is my bleak soul complete.
Thus close beside you I remain until such God we meet.
(this last part I like the most, only… it seems to me that the miracle is in you comprehending, as the blessed force probably do not suffer from the duality we are stamped with)
Perhaps I am being too logical, but the poem asks a lot of the reader, it is far from a simple love poem